Rage E-mail

From: Tasha Gordon
Sent: Monday, June 20, 2011 10:34 AM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: Stop messing with my desk!!!!!!

I don’t know WHO it is but SOMEONE keeps putting STUPID FACES all over my desk. PLEASE STOP!!!!! Im already harased by you people enough for NO GOOD REASON and here you are TRYING TO GET ME EVEN MORE ANGRY

ARGH

Tasha Gordon
Case Manager

 

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, June 20, 2011 10:35 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: RE: Stop messing with my desk!!!!!!

Aaron Simon
Enrollment Guy, Loki Impersonator, Troll
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The Package

From:                         Siobhan Connor
Sent:                        Thursday, June 16, 2011 8:00AM
To:                        _EVERYONE
Subject:            Puzzled

Someone left a small box with brown wrapping paper tied up with twine and a printed notecard with “for Siobhan” on it.

If you did this, please let me know. Ha ha. It is very funny.

Come to my office. Now. And we’ll have a chat.

 

 

Siobhan Connor

Fiscal Administrative Specialist

No animals were harmed in the sending of this message—unless you forward it along without the express, written, and recorded permission of the sender of the message—however, a great number of electronics were greatly inconvenienced. (This makes sense because we are running a bunch of dinosaur machines without the basic ability to process e-mails with attachments without slowing them down.)

From:              Aaron Simon
Sent:               Thursday, June 16, 2011 8:01AM
To:                   Siobhan Connor
Subject:            RE: Puzzled

Did you complete the project? I’m interested in knowing.

Best,

Aaron Simon
Loki Impersonator, Anonymous Representative

From:              Aaron Simon
Sent:               Monday, June 21, 2011 8:43 AM
To:                   Siobhan Connor
Subject:            RE: RE: Puzzled

I can’t help but notice that you never responded, Siobhan.

That’s not the best etiquette.

Did you complete the project? It’s of the utmost importance.

Best,

Aaron Simon
Loki Impersonator, Anonymous Representative

This e-mail has not been scanned for viruses in any way. You probably have dozens of pieces of malware on your machine now.

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6 Gotcha Questions

In case you’ve been completely caught up in Anthony Weiner’s debacle, you might not have been paying attention to Sarah Palin’s latest evidence of a martyr complex.

She’s been rolling around in a bus and learning “history.” I put history in quotes because I’m not sure she realizes what history is, since it has to do with a lot of facts. (Also, I should have put learning in quotes, because I’m not entirely certain that she knows how to learn.)

If you heard Palin’s account and no one else’s, then her blinking, gaping rant about how Paul Revere was riding around the colonies to tell people that the British weren’t going to take our arms.

See, the British wanted this to be us.

Aside from the fact that Revere’s ride was a) warning people about the impending march of the British Army and b) largely beefed up and lied about by Washington Irving, this whole situation is worrying because Palin seems to think that the reporter was an agent of the sinister Shout-Out Gotcha Question Media.

After spending a lot of time losing enough IQ points to understand what she was talking about with her gibberish, I understood that she seemed to believe that reporters were coming out of the woodwork to catch her unprepared and make her seem stupid.

Okay, fair enough. But:

  1. She was asked the question while in a huddled mass of admirers and reporters. It’s highly unlikely that she didn’t think there would be questions. Although, this is Palin, so she might have thought all of the questions would have been “Why are you so damn good at what you do?” or “Why do people make a big deal of the fact that you didn’t finish one term as governor?”
  2. It wasn’t a “gotcha” (in human-speak, this translates to “difficult to answer”) question. The reporter asked her what she’d seen that day. That’s it. It’s like asking a child what they did at school. She could have said “I saw trees” and it would have been a correct answer. Instead, she tried to buddy up to her already-sycophantic Tea Party base with an incomprehensible answer to an easy, simple question.

So, Sarah, I’m going to help you out. I’m going to try and tell you what situations would qualify as “gotcha” situations and questions, because you seem to have severe difficulties in understanding the term you made up for yourself.

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