Concerning Insanity


Okay, I no longer know anything about the world. Not that I knew much about it to begin with, but that’s beside the point.

See, for the last four or five posts on this site, I’ve been getting this bizarre responses. For all appearances, they seem like they’re written by a human being. They all have a central idea around which they revolve, and work on these ideas, flesh them out, by virtue of expounding on the idea. However, these posts are completely irrelevant to anything I’m trying to do with the site (lie about my life so I can joke about it) and, instead, seem as if they’re a part of an extended conversation between two people–one of whom suffers from debilitating self-hatred and fear of the world in general.

And the fucked up thing is that latter person seems, according to these insane posts, to be me.

All of these posts are traced back to a Yahoo! e-mail account and, if I’m right, they’re coming from Australia. Now, I’m taking this situation to its logical conclusion and, thus, I’ve deduced that Mad Max has Internet access and is stalking me.

The contents of each post are vaguely related to the topic of every piece I toss up on the site–“vaguely” here refers to the presence of keywords sprinkled throughout the extensive comment. For example, “On Risk” had a comment about how we should take chances and, somehow, that was what Risk was about. Well, yes, but the chances therein involve tiny plastic bits and dice.

My Neuroses post had some bizarre Greek psychological thing that I’m still not sure about, and the insanity continued from there.

The point is: I think this is spam, but as to what purpose it serves, I have no idea. There is never a mention of a brand, and the only websites it links to are flickr albums and videos on YouTube, making this the most ineffectual spam campaign ever. Of course, there is the possibility that the posts are trying to increase awareness of armchair psychology, but does that really need an increase in awareness?

So I’m deciding to treat this as the above premise: Mad Max is stalking me on the Internet. As Mr. Max is incredibly confused as to the purpose of my blog, I’ve decided that I’m going to deconstruct the latest comment. In order to make this as accessible as possible, I’m reprinting the post (after the jump) and numerating it by what I think of as the sections of the post; and, further, I will take a look at each section after the body of the post.

And so, we begin.

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My Bitter, Bitter Life: The Origin of Neuroses

One of the things that I hear most often happens when people meet me for the first time. It’s usually said after a period of silence and a lot of squinting – the sort of squinting you see from people trying to figure something out, like an incredibly difficult algebra equation. When the phrase is said, it’s said with utmost certainty. The kind of certainty applied when someone says, “It is wet outside” on a rainy day.

The phrase is, “You know, you are George Costanza.”

I once tried to rail against this. I didn’t want to remind people of a short, portly, neurotic, bespectacled horrible person. I don’t think anyone does. If I were going to be anyone in Seinfeld, I would’ve instead chosen to be Kramer. I mean, come on, the man was on strike from a bagel bakery for something like ten years and still somehow afforded rent in Manhattan. That’s the sort of luck in life I want, not driving women to lesbianism and being mistaken for a prominent Nazi.

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Missing The Point: The World’s Smallest Violin

From: Tasha Banks
Sent: Friday, February 4, 2011, 9:45 AM
Subject: Words smallest violin

Hi everybody

The funniest thing happened this morning. Tucker (tyou know my son) was whining about not havin his homework done tryin to get me to do it for him,  is aid that I didn’t have time since I was about to have to take him to day care and that he shouldn’t have stayed up all night playin video games! Then he said ‘you told me I could’ and I said nothing, just played the worlds smallest violin!


From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Friday, February 4, 2011, 10:00 AM
To: Tasha Banks; _EVERYONE
Subject: RE: Words smallest violin


That was the most meaningful commentary on lackluster parenting I’ve read since reading the unnecessary backlash against The Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother. I didn’t know that you were capable of such a scathing indictment of both our education system, and the seeming inability of the modern American parent to deal with their child’s incessant demands for artificial stimulation. (I know, that sounded, ah, not right; but it wasn’t meant to be that way.)

I know when I was a kid, and my parents found out that I didn’t do my homework because I was up all night playing video games, they shouted at me, told me that I was a disappointment to everyone who fought and died for our country so I could have the freedom to live without working in a factory, then, if that didn’t reduce me to tears, they threatened to beat me with a length of rubber hose in time to “Seek and Destroy,” which is a very fast song if you didn’t know. I’d thought that sort of mentality was nonexistent here in the Southeast, where education is seen as a liberal elite thing, to be only partaken of in the coasts. Good to see I’ve been proven wrong.

I’m not certain why the violin is seen as a sad-sounding instrument, are you? I mean, really, one only needs to watch this video and understand the sublime nature of what can be accomplished with the instrument.

Aaron Simon
Enrollment Coordination Specialist, Graphic Designer

From: Tasha Gordon
Sent: Friday, February 4, 2011, 10:11 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: Words smallest violin

What are you talking about? I don’t know what that book is what does a tiger have to do with being a parent? Are you calling me a bad parent? My son is very smart he thinks school is boring and leanrs more history from video games than they teach in school like how there was a plaot to kill JFK and Castro and it was organized by a secret organization.

If you had problems with your parents I don’t know what youre doing talking to me about it and are you saying im not educated? I went to Macon County Community College probably better than wherever you went at least I managed to get out of the house LOL

What was that video? It was boring if I wanted to see a bunch of people spazzing out id go somewhere where people spaz out all the time. That wasn’t even music music is the new lady gaga single. You should check it out and learn something about music.

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