I come to you all today with a burning question: Is 1995’s Judge Dredd starring Sylvester Stallone a movie from an alternate reality? Is this thing a glimpse into a parallel dimension? By watching this, are we gathering evidence that there is, in fact, another plane of existence and that our understanding of the universe is limited? Let’s explore, shall we?

The first thing we must consider is that this film exists in its current state as a completed work and, by virtue of the fact that we can all see it, one that is readily available. This would, thus, suggest that the film is one that is from our dimension. One in which it was released to the American public, made for a $90 million budget, and, courtesy of the international box office, made back its money with a $113 million take. The international box office accounted for around $70 million of that, which should tell us just how well it was received by American audiences and why, if you ask your friends and family, “Hey, remember that Stallone Dredd movie?” they’ll cock their heads to the side, pause for a moment, and then say, “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

It is, in short, a movie that barely exists.

Not that it doesn’t deserve to barely exist. It was panned by critics, rejected by audiences, and, in the time since it was released, largely buried by the public and replaced only by GIFs on the internet, Stallone impressions, and nightmares of Rob Schneider. Here are a couple of quotes from Stallone that I find interesting:

“I do look back on Judge Dredd as a real missed opportunity. It seemed that lots of fans had a problem with Dredd removing his helmet, because he never does in the comic books. But for me it is more about wasting such great potential there was in that idea; just think of all the opportunities there were to do interesting stuff with the Cursed Earth scenes. It didn’t live up to what it could have been. It probably should have been much more comic, really humorous, and fun. What I learned out of that experience was that we shouldn’t have tried to make it Hamlet; it’s more Hamlet and Eggs.”

“The philosophy of the film was not set in stone – by that I mean “Is this going to be a serious drama or with comic overtones” like other science fiction films that were successful? So a lotta pieces just didn’t fit smoothly. It was sort of like a feathered fish.”

Interview with Stallone in UNCUT

“I knew we were in for a long shoot when, for no explainable reason Danny Cannon, who’s rather diminutive, jumped down from his director’s chair and yelled to everyone within earshot, “FEAR me! Everyone should FEAR me!” then jumped back up to his chair as if nothing happened. The British crew was taking bets on his life expectancy.”

Ain’t It Cool

I just have a quick note to say that shouting “FEAR me! Everyone should FEAR me!” is how I open every scrum meeting I run.

Beyond that, though, you should get a glimpse of what was going on in people’s heads in this movie’s production lifecycle. A movie with huge production values based on a long-running comics property, its plot trying to deal with heavy themes – referencing Hamlet, Mad Max, cyberpunk genre fiction, the abuse of power in the judicial and executive branches of government – and a lot of star power. Beyond Stallone, who – in both this movie’s home dimension and ours – was and is a massive star, you have: Jurgen Prochnow (Das Boot; In the Mouth of Madness; Dune; The English Patient), Max von Sydow (The Seventh Seal; also Dune; The Exorcist; so many others), Diane Lane (all of your mother’s favorite movies), Armond Assante (also all of your mother’s favorite movies, but for other reasons) and Rob Schneider (your nightmares). And you have, broadly, some really good special effects and world-building work. 

So why is this movie mostly forgotten? I propose, again, that this is because our brains are not wired to keep its existence in our heads. I believe that doing so causes too much friction in our minds, and it is an evolutionary reaction to reject this movie and cast it into the ether. This is, thus, the only way we can remain sane while this film exists in our dimension.

But why, exactly, do I think that it’s from another dimension? After all, everything I’ve said so far just speaks to a troubled production and clashes between, possible, everyone from the director to studios to stars to the owners of the Dredd character. It’s a simple answer, really: This is a movie that by every definition should have been directed by Paul Verhoeven. Yet it wasn’t and we must ask ourselves: In this expansive universe in which science and humanity both surprise us at every turn, why was Verhoeven not attached to this movie?

Consider that this is a film that seems to go right along with many of his best-loved movies:

• It’s based on an existing science-fiction property
• It deals with social commentary on a grand scale
• It has major star power
• Its special effects budget is immense
• It was obviously intended to have a mix of satire and grit
• Its world-building is littered – positively oozing – with little details to flesh out everything going on in Megacity One

And yet, it was not directed by Verhoeven. Instead, it was directed by a “diminutive man” with erratic behavior. 

My theory is thus that this is a movie originally filmed from a dimension in which Paul Verhoeven does not exist. 

Perhaps that is the only difference between our two universes. It may in all other respects be a mirror of our own. In fact, that may be the only explanation for how this movie came to be. That cast, the IP basis, the production values, it all points to everything else being the same. And yet for whatever reason, that universe is bereft of Paul Verhoeven. 

Is that, then, the reason for so much confusion in this movie? Were our two dimensions so intrinsically intertwined that the confusion came from things bending in ways that they should not have? Perhaps the genesis of this movie started out in our universe and, through a slipstream, wormhole, or fluke of nature, transmitted itself to theirs. Perhaps there is a single link, a conduit made flesh and blood. Maybe that is Danny Cannon and this is the reason for his erratic behavior on set. It’s not that he was a little tyrant, it’s that the barriers between our worlds being so thin drove him mad and inspired him to demand fear from the cast and crew of the production. 

If so, then we must pity Cannon – who seems to be primarily a TV and shorts director rather than a movie director, yet more evidence that this is from another dimension – for he was unlucky enough to be the schmuck who was the link between our two worlds. Who among us would be able to sustain a production with the weight of two dimensions on their back? Not I, for sure. 

Is there anything to do? Is there a way to repair the tear between our worlds? I don’t have an answer to such questions. I am not a scientist, nor am I a mystic. The only thing I can do is invite you to think about what a Paul Verhoeven Dredd would have been like. Think about the cutting commentary on cop violence. Consider the potential for even stranger creature effects. Yearn for a movie without Rob-Fucking-Schneider filling every second with ceaseless chatter. 

What a wonder. What a possibility. 

One day, maybe.

What’s that?

Dredd with Karl Urban? Oh, yeah. That fucking rules. How come no one talks about that? Is that… could… Could that be another movie from another dimension?!