My name is Rebecca DuPardue, and I am the office administrator for Kandi McIntyre, Regional Sales Coordinator for Aflac. We have reviewed your resume on CareerBuilder.com and would like to speak with you regarding a career opportunity with our company.

Our Regional Office in Brentwood, TN has an immediate opening on our business- to-business sales and marketing team. Primary responsibilities will include new business development achieved through identifying, pursuing, and closing sales opportunities. Initial concentration will be on the small and medium sized business market in Nashville and the surrounding area. As a member of our team, you will receive top-notch professional training, world-class products and solutions from the leader in our industry, a comprehensive compensation package, and advancement opportunities.

You may reach me at rebecca_dupardue@us.aflac.com in order to schedule an appointment.

Sincerely,

Rebecca DuPardue

Regional Office Administrator

AFLAC

From: AaronCSimon@Gmail.com
To: Rebecca DuPardue
Subject: Re: AFLAC Career Interview
Sent: Monday, October 10, 8:52 PM

Hi Rebecca,

Before I commit to an interview, I’ve got a very quick question for you:

What’s it like working for a duck?

Best,
Aaron Simon

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From: Rebecca DuPardue
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Re: Re: AFLAC Career Interview
Sent: Tuesday, October 11, 8:31 AM

Hi Aaron,

Funny! I can tell you’d be a very good fit in our office–we love humor!

So, should I mark you down for an interview for, say, Friday morning?

Best,

Rebecca DuPardue

Regional Office Administrator

AFLAC

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From: Aaron Simon
To: Rebecca DuPardue
Subject: Re: Re: Re:  AFLAC Career Interview
Sent: Tuesday, October 11, 8:40 AM

Hi Rebecca,

Thanks for being so insistent in having me come by for an interview. After seven months of having no response from sending out my resumes save for default confirmation e-mails, it’s great to talk to another person. It fills me with joy, really–and I’m sure that if I didn’t already have a job, it’d keep me from heavily self-medicating with scotch.

But, in all seriousness (I was serious before), I’d like to ask you what it’s like working for a duck.

See, while I can tell that you’d be the one to interview me, I’ve been around long enough to know that, sometimes, the boss likes to drop in for interviews. Seeing as how I’ve never interacted with a duck save eating a couple of them in England, and throwing bread at them in the park, I’d like to know what working for one is like.

Do they hate the Chinese for basing a significant amount of their cuisine on them? By proxy, do ducks hate Jews for eating so much Chinese food?

This is imperative, and I need to know this before coming in for an interview, so as to know what to expect from your assuredly duck-filled office.

Best,

Aaron Simon

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From: Rebecca DuPardue
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re:  AFLAC Career Interview
Sent: Tuesday, October 11, 9:15 AM

I think there’s some confusion… My boss isn’t a duck. The duck you see in commercials is a computer-created cartoon the company uses as a spokesman. It’s for laughs, and in no way represents the actual leadership of AFLAC.

Easy to make mistake; several people in the office still think that the duck is our boss.

So, all that said and done, shall we pencil you in for Friday morning?

Rebecca DuPardue

Regional Office Administrator

AFLAC

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From: Aaron Simon
To: Rebecca DuPardue
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: AFLAC Career Interview
Sent: Tuesday, October 11, 10:01 AM

Oh, okay, so you’re not directly under the CEO who is a duck. No worries–I don’t think I’d do well so early in my career in a position that high up. I’ve got a history of having severe panic attacks and night terrors when faced with a lot of responsibility. It’s been a hindering factor in my career thus far–and that’s for jobs where humans are the boss. God knows how a duck would view it.

Friday morning won’t work. I’ve been noticing that my hair is .018% thinner than usual, and have made an appointment with my doctor–who is not a quack–to check it out. I think it might be the cancer of the head, and I don’t want to mess around with stuff like that, you know?

Could you maybe do Friday afternoon? The tests should be over by then, but if they find anything abnormal–God forbid–then I’d have to cancel it. The last time I went in for a check-up, they didn’t find anything abnormal, so I think it might be about time for them to find something. You know, probability and all that.

Best,
Aaron Simon

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From: Rebecca DuPardue
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  AFLAC Career Interview
Sent: Tuesday, October 11, 10:09 AM

Just to be clear, you’re joking about thinking that the CEO is a duck, right?

Best,

Rebecca DuPardue

Regional Office Administrator

AFLAC

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From: Aaron Simon
To: Rebecca DuPardue
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: AFLAC Career Interview
Sent: Tuesday, October 11, 10:25 AM

Becs, I never joke about business. Everything else is game, though. (I’ve got a hi-larious Holocaust joke [it’s cool, I’m Jewish] that I’ll probably tell you in the interview.)

I’d like to go on record here and state that I am not anti-duck. I have never hated our duck brethren, and I challenge you to provide proof to the opposite. I’ve always embraced our feathered friends, even while eating them–and even then, I felt remorse, for Daffy Duck was one of my heroes when I was a child.

In a duck-led environment, I will follow the glorious CEO’s lead and quack when it is time to quack, and travel South when it is time to travel South. (Now, I think.)

Rest assured, if I had had confirmation that the CEO was a duck when drafting my cover letter, I would have included the above. I admire the cut of the CEO’s jib, breaking into a human-dominated industry like insurance, and feel that I could work for such a liberal company that is willing to hire an animal (no offence intended) to do a man’s job.

Does Friday afternoon work, or would you like to schedule something for Monday?

Best,
Aaron Simon

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From: Rebecca DuPardue
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: AFLAC Career Interview
Sent: Tuesday, October 11, 10:45 AM

Dear Aaron,

Thanks for your interest in pursuing a career at AFLAC, but we are going to have to shift our focus on to other candidates.

Wishing you all the best in your job hunt,

Rebecca DuPardue

Regional Office Administrator

AFLAC

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