So there’s a lot of talk going on about the economy right now, who’s to blame, how to fix it, and whether or not we should all get together, gather up pitchforks and torches, and go around hamstringing and then hunting every person wearing a suit that costs over $200.
(It should be noted that my political party, The Iron Fist Party, will be fielding our leader and creator, Aaron Simon, for President in 2012. Yes, he’s eleven years younger than the minimum required age, but frankly, the country’s been trampling on the Constitution for many years now, and we see no reason to stop. Our platforms are:
- Re-education for anyone who voted for Bush, or has said, “Palin would be a good President”
- Executing any repeat offender, and
- National Casual Fridays.)
Now, I’d love to tell you what I really think about all of this—but chances are there’s a very vocal group out there who would call me a “pinko idiot socialist” or some variant thereof, and I got enough of that while an Op-Ed columnist at UT. So screw that. Instead, I’m going to discuss what I think—not really—should happen to the country. Because I love America, you see, and want to see us back on top.
See, we’re in a position where opulence and greed are defining characteristics of our population. You need proof of this? Look at the Baconator. There is no need for this thing to exist. It, essentially, is as if Evolution made the jump from Abstract Idea to Sentient Entity, looked at humanity, and said, “This needs to stop. Now. I shall clog their hearts, they shall perish, and, finally, the cockroaches will take over.”
We’re not in a good state, is what I’m trying to say.
Personally, I blame the fat cats in Washington, and the fat cats on Wall Street, and the fat cats on whatever street Bank of America is on.
Also, fat cats in general. There’s a reason I’m a dog person, damn it.
And as much as I’d like to come at you with reasoned ideas, citations expressing that I’ve done my research, and then a coherent argument and ideas to express how to change the world, I’m not going to do that.
In fact, I’m not even going to compromise my intellectual integrity and stoop so low as to treat Bill O’Reilly as anything other than an entertainer who manages to retract his skull into his neck as if he were some disgusted turtle.
I’m going to turn to the DC universe. Specifically, the League of Shadows as portrayed in Batman Begins.
For those of you troglodytes who haven’t seen the film, Batman faces off against a world-spanning organization that has as its modus operandi the destruction of societies that have become so corrupt and decadent that they resemble less civilization, more a horrendous parody of what should have been.
The League acts as a check against this state, namely by setting up the society to burn to the ground, forcing people to start over again and create something less abhorrent.
(Liam Neeson puts it a lot better than that.)
Think, for a moment, about the French Revolution. As the monarchy drove the country into the ground, the people rose up, saw that the way the country wasn’t working, and then burned everything and killed everyone with a powdered wig.
Meanwhile, the Brits across the Channel saw what was happening and said, “Bloody Frenchmen.”
Thus was born The Reign of Terror, and out of that came The Republic. Now, my history’s a bit fuzzy, but as far as I remember, The Republic was super awesome with flying cars, lasers, and Wookies. That might have been Star Wars, now that I think about it, but the fact remains that society looked at itself from within, gave a retch, and decided to start over.
One of the leaders of the Revolution was a man named Robespierre. The man led the aforementioned Reign of Terror and was known as “The Incorruptible.” Sounds like someone we both know. Someone who’s got a little experience in toppling corrupt regimes.
Now, we view the League of Shadows as “the bad guys” in Batman Begins. Why? Because they stand opposite Bruce Wayne: a man who, by nothing more than birth, ranks as one of the wealthiest people in the country. Is this just? What has Wayne done other than have someone else build him a bat-suit?
And yes, you may argue that he is responsible for stopping a deadly man by the name of The Scarecrow, who, in fact, is in cahoots with the League of Shadows, but, friends, take a look at Wayne’s society.
- Police are corrupt, working for criminal interests that pay well.
- The government, created for the people, is so paralyzed by a combination of mob ties and its own inefficiency that it cannot protect its own people.
- Citizens around the city are faced with crime as the only way to get money and provide for themselves and their families.
All the while, the wealthy have no problems in their lives save whether or not they’ll be able to get a table at a restaurant owned by Wayne.
My friends, Bruce Wayne shouldn’t be dressing up like a bat, he should be out there with the League of Shadows, giving the citizens of Gotham a chance to remake a just society.
Now, when you watch the debate about whether or not it’s just that the wealth of the 1% skyrockets while the overwhelming majority of Americans stagnates or falls, think about Gotham.
As you sit around, saying that protestors are lazy, willfully unemployed, trust fund-backed Americans who just want to watch capitalism fall (even though that would probably destroy their trust funds, which no one seems to mention), think about the League and its motive to bring justice by wiping the slate clean.
Perhaps Ra’s al-Ghul isn’t the arch-enemy and villain we’re led to believe.
Vote Iron Fist in 2012!
(This message has been approved and paid for by the Council to Elect The Iron Fist Government, a subsidiary organization of the League of Shadows.)
Ahhhhh you would have to execute me I guess, I voted for that guy who had 44 consecutive months of job growth(2nd best in HIstory) unemployment below the theoretical full employment, overthrew dictators, and was able to do this after inheriting a recession from Clinton, 9/11, and 2 wars. Well he wasnt perfect, but times were a heckuva lot better then.
Ya know, Ill have tg hold my vote till I see who your opponent is..:) But I did like the humor!