A couple of weeks ago I finished reading Sherman Alexie’s The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven, and, as per usual, I have a review of it up on Bullet Reviews. Go check it out.
Monthly Archives: November 2010
How To: Have Fun at Work!
I count myself pretty lucky, in the grand scheme of things.
My job will never put me in the line of fire.
- Pictured: Not my job.
Nor will it ever involve my arm mangled in factory machinery.
- Pictured: Something that I will never see in my office
Nor will it ever involve putting me in front of angry bulls.
Pictured: Nothing with which I have to contend.
So yeah, I’d say my office job is pretty kosher. The only thing I have to watch out for is the occasional paper cut. To an outside observer, especially if this outside observer is a Chinese person who’s not in the upper tiers of that society, I’ve got it beyond easy. And, as I’ll begrudgingly admit, I am getting paid during a recession and am thus – as my Dad keeps telling me – very lucky.
However, I am also American, and thus I have an extraordinary sense of entitlement. What this boils down to is that I believe that I should be entertained, constantly, while working.
(NOTE: I don’t actually expect that.)
However, it turns out that my employer does not include video games and/or board games in their benefits plan, so I’ve had to find alternative methods of having fun at work. You know, when I’m not being a diligent and committed hard worker, dedicated to the Goals and Aspirations of The Company, ensuring that the Company is the Best It Can Be and all of its Employees are happy.
In the words of Chris Bucholz, “Kadosh.”
Continue reading
Stupid Things I Said Last Week
I’m faced with the opportunity to either work on the post that’s in draft status, work on my novel, work on editing, go frolic in chilly weather, or continue to sit on the couch and start something new. Guess what I chose!
Anyway, I was thinking about all the supremely stupid things I do during the week, and I came to the conclusion that most of the things I say are incredibly stupid.
The Simon Reaction to Social Situations
Sometimes they make me come off as arrogant, pretentious, or worthless. I’ve got enough self-esteem to put myself in none of those categories, but that doesn’t mean that, somewhere in my genetic makeup is the following:
if socialInteraction = true then
charm = kinda
funny = kinda
selfDeprecation = Full
turn
intelligence = off
abrasiveness = on
else = Write
NOTE: It’s been a long time since I’ve coded anything properly. Don’t try to put that into any programming language, please.
How do I know this is a genetic thing? Because my Dad has the same problem I do. (For example: He once called me up to tell me about how he insulted an old lady by insisting that the person in front of him was served before the old lady because, “Holy shit, she was scary.”)
So nu, I was in the kitchen, shouting randomly, because that’s what I do when I’m alone in the house (the dog doesn’t seem to mind), and I realized that, hell, I might as well start putting these up on the site. After all, I’ve got no distractions around and if I just sit around watching Seinfeld clips, as I usually do on a lazy Sunday afternoon, I’ll feel guilty for not having done anything during the day.
So, in no particular order, and reaching back in time just a bit, here’s a non-exhaustive list of stupid/pretty mean things I’ve said over the past week. If any of you have the ear of a deity, you might want to tell him/her/it that this is my way of confessing, and they should not banish me to a hell/limbo.
Aaron C Simon 