6 Gotcha Questions

In case you’ve been completely caught up in Anthony Weiner’s debacle, you might not have been paying attention to Sarah Palin’s latest evidence of a martyr complex.

She’s been rolling around in a bus and learning “history.” I put history in quotes because I’m not sure she realizes what history is, since it has to do with a lot of facts. (Also, I should have put learning in quotes, because I’m not entirely certain that she knows how to learn.)

If you heard Palin’s account and no one else’s, then her blinking, gaping rant about how Paul Revere was riding around the colonies to tell people that the British weren’t going to take our arms.

See, the British wanted this to be us.

Aside from the fact that Revere’s ride was a) warning people about the impending march of the British Army and b) largely beefed up and lied about by Washington Irving, this whole situation is worrying because Palin seems to think that the reporter was an agent of the sinister Shout-Out Gotcha Question Media.

After spending a lot of time losing enough IQ points to understand what she was talking about with her gibberish, I understood that she seemed to believe that reporters were coming out of the woodwork to catch her unprepared and make her seem stupid.

Okay, fair enough. But:

  1. She was asked the question while in a huddled mass of admirers and reporters. It’s highly unlikely that she didn’t think there would be questions. Although, this is Palin, so she might have thought all of the questions would have been “Why are you so damn good at what you do?” or “Why do people make a big deal of the fact that you didn’t finish one term as governor?”
  2. It wasn’t a “gotcha” (in human-speak, this translates to “difficult to answer”) question. The reporter asked her what she’d seen that day. That’s it. It’s like asking a child what they did at school. She could have said “I saw trees” and it would have been a correct answer. Instead, she tried to buddy up to her already-sycophantic Tea Party base with an incomprehensible answer to an easy, simple question.

So, Sarah, I’m going to help you out. I’m going to try and tell you what situations would qualify as “gotcha” situations and questions, because you seem to have severe difficulties in understanding the term you made up for yourself.

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The Skittles E-Mail

I received a chain e-mail from someone I’ve never met. It’s the typical saccharine quasi-humor that gets passed around in offices where Friday is a punchline. This one, though, had to deal with health screenings and eating healthy.

A woman goes to a doctor’s office and it turns out that because of her diet, she is on the verge of having a heart attack because of high… everything. Rather than taking her doctor’s advice, she decides to eat bowl-fulls of Skittles for breakfast.

This is what passed through my head.

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Friday, April 15, 2011 10:20 AM
To: Cathy Davidson
Subject: tickets

Hi Cathy,

You don’t know me. I work downstairs in a den of estrogen.

As you don’t know me, you wouldn’t know that, before I read your e-mail, I did not have diabetes. While I was a bit overweight, it wasn’t anything major, and, with a bit of a workout a few days a week, I would’ve hit my target weight fairly quickly. However, my health problems started when I read your e-mail this morning, decided that it was such a great idea that I should try it out.

As per your doctor’s instructions, I ate a full five-pound bag of Skittles.

Immediately after, I lost my sight and all feeling in my feet. (No doubt that you’re thinking to yourself, ‘how is he sending an e-mail after losing his sight?’ Well, Leah’s in today, and she wasn’t doing anything, so I’m dictating this to her while trying to figure out how to have a constant drip of insulin.)

Essentially, I’m dictating this e-mail to tell you to switch doctors immediately. Your current one is a scoundrel and a charlatan, and has probably never heard of the Hippocratic Oath. What is his name, so that I can file a malpractice suit.

Best,
Aaron Simon
In A Tremendous Amount of Pain

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