Category Archives: Short Stories

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August 26, 2011

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Short Stories

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Drogon’s Chapter, as Written by Philip Roth

So. In my upcoming review, I make a side-mention about how odd it would be to see Philip Roth writing in the fantasy genre. “No one wants to read about dragons with mother issues” is the exact phrasing.

Well, somehow, in between sending it to my editor and now, it got to the desk of George R. R. Martin. Turns out that Roth was actually tapped for writing a guest chapter in A Dance with Dragons a few years ago. Though it was cut, Martin kept the first draft of Roth’s submitted chapter and was kind enough to forward it my way on the condition that I not share it with anyone.

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August 25, 2011

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Short Stories

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The Health Coach

From: Ted Hayward

Sent: Monday, August 15, 2011 8:58 AM

To: _EVERYONE

Subject: Your Health Coach

Happy Monday, everyone.

As you may be aware, the state employees’ insurance program requires you to hold to their standards. (Don’t worry. As long as you don’t eat fried chicken and Jell-O for every meal, you will be fine.) One of the ways they enforce the standards are the annual physicals you already came across for your Partnership Promise.

You’ll also be in contact with your “health coach.” They’ll be helping you along the way to better health and a better lifestyle. Your health coach should be in contact with you soon. It is imperative that you work with them, as they are responsible for turning in reports that may result in increases to your premiums.

If you have any questions, please let me know. I’m back in my office.

Best,

Ted Hayward

Human Resources Director

From: Aaron Simon

Sent: Monday, August 15, 2011 9:00 AM

To: Ted Hayward

Subject: RE: Your Health Coach

What are you doing back, you whelp?

Aaron Simon

Pissed

From: Ted Hayward

Sent: Monday, August 15, 2011 9:15 AM

To: Aaron Simon

Subject: RE: RE: Your Health Coach

Hi Aaron,

Yeah, it’s great to be back. Especially after seeing some of the things that happen in federal prisons. That isn’t anything I would wish on anyone.

Not even you.

In the interests of a working environment, I suggest putting an end to whatever hostilities you might want to strike up against me. It’s pointless and juvenile.

Best,

Ted Hayward

Human Resources Director

From: Aaron Simon

Sent: Monday, August 15, 2011 10:01 AM

To: Ted Hayward

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Your Health Coach

Your face is pointless and juvenile.

-Aaron Simon

Just Owned You

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August 11, 2011

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Short Stories

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Missing Shoulder Bag

From: Elaina Slusher
Sent: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 08:35 AM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: missing shoulder bag

If you find a purple shoulder bag anywhere, please let me know. I took it off sometime yesterday, and haven’t been able to find it. It’s from Guatemala and is one of a kind. It was made by a village elder when I was visiting there on my vacay around South America.   Thx. Elaina

Elaina Shlusher, BSW; MS

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 09:00 AM
To: Elaina Slusher
Subject: RE: missing shoulder bag

Elaina:

Sorry to hear about your loss. Judging by the efficiency by which this place runs, you probably won’t be seeing it again.

Good news, though. I have come into recent possession of a purple shoulder bag from Guatemala and would be willing to part with it—for a price, you see. It’s one of a kind. I’ve been told that it was made as a Western schmuck.

Aaron Simon

Enrollment Guy

From: Elaina Slusher
Sent: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 09:10 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: missing shoulder bag

Please give my bag back. It means a lot to me.

Elaina Slusher, BSW; MS

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