Category Archives: Short Stories

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June 24, 2011

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Short Stories

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Rage E-mail

From: Tasha Gordon
Sent: Monday, June 20, 2011 10:34 AM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: Stop messing with my desk!!!!!!

I don’t know WHO it is but SOMEONE keeps putting STUPID FACES all over my desk. PLEASE STOP!!!!! Im already harased by you people enough for NO GOOD REASON and here you are TRYING TO GET ME EVEN MORE ANGRY

ARGH

Tasha Gordon
Case Manager

 

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, June 20, 2011 10:35 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: RE: Stop messing with my desk!!!!!!

Aaron Simon
Enrollment Guy, Loki Impersonator, Troll
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June 21, 2011

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Short Stories

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The Package

From:                         Siobhan Connor
Sent:                        Thursday, June 16, 2011 8:00AM
To:                        _EVERYONE
Subject:            Puzzled

Someone left a small box with brown wrapping paper tied up with twine and a printed notecard with “for Siobhan” on it.

If you did this, please let me know. Ha ha. It is very funny.

Come to my office. Now. And we’ll have a chat.

 

 

Siobhan Connor

Fiscal Administrative Specialist

No animals were harmed in the sending of this message—unless you forward it along without the express, written, and recorded permission of the sender of the message—however, a great number of electronics were greatly inconvenienced. (This makes sense because we are running a bunch of dinosaur machines without the basic ability to process e-mails with attachments without slowing them down.)

From:              Aaron Simon
Sent:               Thursday, June 16, 2011 8:01AM
To:                   Siobhan Connor
Subject:            RE: Puzzled

Did you complete the project? I’m interested in knowing.

Best,

Aaron Simon
Loki Impersonator, Anonymous Representative

From:              Aaron Simon
Sent:               Monday, June 21, 2011 8:43 AM
To:                   Siobhan Connor
Subject:            RE: RE: Puzzled

I can’t help but notice that you never responded, Siobhan.

That’s not the best etiquette.

Did you complete the project? It’s of the utmost importance.

Best,

Aaron Simon
Loki Impersonator, Anonymous Representative

This e-mail has not been scanned for viruses in any way. You probably have dozens of pieces of malware on your machine now.

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May 24, 2011

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Short Stories

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5 More Things The Masses Do Which Annoy Me

A picture of our esteemed author

Well, the well has seemingly run dry for a bit. Going through an imagination drought aside from the ideas that are being reserved for my second book. Luckily, as I was trying to think of something to make up for the site, I received an e-mail from the estimable Reginald St Smythe-Smythington Holst-Dulverton BA, MA, PhD, MD, JD. It seems his shrink has asked him to write another list, and he’s seen fit to send it to me. Thus:

From the desk of Reginald St Smythe-Smythington Holst-Dulverton BA, PhD, MD, JD; transcribed by his typing servant, Froderick Raleigh:

It has come to a head, so to speak. On a recent outing outside of my manor’s grounds and into the festering cesspool of the working class that is Canterbury, I happened upon a “festival” of sorts. While–no doubt–the gathered unwashed masses there believed they were doing whatever it is the working class does whenever they feel compelled to stain the day with their presence, I had another reaction: Severe revulsion. To wit, I nearly vomited upon my driver, but managed to avoid such an embarrassing event.

After concluding my business in that wretched pit, I phoned my psychiatrist and told him to be ready for an emergency appointment. He protested that it was his day off, or some such nonsense, but then I dangled an extra four hundred pounds in front of his face and his protestations ceased.

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