From: Hera Jones

Sent: Monday July 11, 2011, 8:34AM

To: _EVERYONE

Subject: PUNNY STORY!!!!

 

This is your Monday humor . . . enjoy!

Punny story!

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection
and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly.. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry
Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and
Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a
man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in
show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not
considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked
schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty
old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John
Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is
also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the
occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone
else who may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift

From: Aaron Simon

Sent: Monday July 11, 2011 8:38 AM

To: Hera Jones

Subject: RE: PUNNY STORY!!!!

Hera:

I don’t think this is funny. At all. Nor is it work appropriate.

Yeast infections are not something to laugh about. Especially when they occur in the elderly. Need I remind you that we deal with the elderly on a daily basis here, and to joke about their untimely demise is something extremely reprehensible?

I am shocked and appalled that someone on our staff would think that this sort of humor is worth spreading around

You know, I wonder if you even know what yeast infection is. Click that link. Educate yourself so you might know something about what you’re spreading around.

Jesus. Look. It can be linked to HIV/AIDs.

Next you’ll be joking about the Holocaust.

Je suis disgusted.

-AS

Jew, Not At All Amused

 

From: Hera Jones

Sent: Monday July 11, 2011 9:02AM

To: Aaron Simon

Subject: RE: RE: PUNNY STORY!!!!

Aaron,

I am so sorry. I just thought it was a fun way to spend the morning, laughing like Paul might have done, you know?

There was no offense meant by that at all. I know that yeast infections are a serious thing, and that no one should laugh at dying elderly people. It was just a story full of puns that my auntie sent me over email and I thought people might like to read on a Monday.

I woul dnever jokke about the holocaust. That was a terrible thing and I’m sure you knew people that died.

-Hera Jones

Intake and Assessment Guru

 

From: Aaron Simon

Sent: Monday July 11, 2011 9:10 AM

To: Hera Jones

Subject: RE: RE: RE: PUNNY STORY!!!!

Paul was a plebian, and we are all better off now that he is gone. I’d hoped that the server would not be inundated with atrocious abortive attempts at humor, but, alas, it looks like there is always someone there to take up the mantle. Such is life, oui?

Perhaps you are aware of Napoleon’s thoughts on puns. If you are not, allow me to briefly summarize them. One day, as Napoleon walked through his camp in the middle of his Egypt campaign, he overheard some of his soldiers laughing and jesting near the mess tents. Being of an egalitarian nature, the general decided that he would go over to them, and joke with them.

As he approached, he heard what they were laughing about. They were telling each other puns. Napoleon was overheard to exclaim “Sacre bleu!” and then begin talking about how he was disgusted by the pun, and how he was certain that those who found them amusing must have been aristocrats infiltrating La Republique. Without further ado, he had his guards round up the offenders and bring them to the Sphinx, whereupon he had them tied to the Sphinx’s nose.

He had the offenders blown to hell for telling puns.

Napoleon was a great man. The sort of man after whom I try to model my own life. Keep that in mind.

“That was a terrible thing and I’m sure you knew people that died.”

What, pray tell, does that mean? Are you implying that there is only one sort of Jew, and this one sort of Jew were all related to those who perished in camps? How insensitive. If Ted were here instead of incarcerated in some Federal prison, I’d bring this up with him. As it stands, I’ll have to take this to heart.

And plot.

-Aaron Simon

Loki Impersonator, Historian

 

From: Hera Jones

Sent: Monday July 11, 2011 9:15 AM

To: Aaron Simon

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: PUNNY STORY!!!!

Oh God I’m sorry. What can I do to stop you from plotting?

-Hera Jones

Intake and Assessment Guru

 

From: Aaron Simon

Sent: Monday July 11, 2011 9:20AM

To: Hera Jones

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: PUNNY STORY!!!!

Send out a follow-up e-mail apologizing to those who died in the Holocaust, those who have suffered from yeast infections, and anyone with a sense of humor.

Do not include any context.

-Aaron Simon

Loki Impersonator, Intake Guy

 

From: Hera Jones

Sent: Monday July 11, 2011 9:25 AM

To: _EVERYONE

Subject: FW: PUNNY STORY!!!!

I’d like to apologiez to everyone who died in world war II, everyone who’s had yeast infections, and people who like to laugh.

-Hera Jones

Intake and Assessment Guru

 

From: James Gottfried

Sent: Monday July 11, 2011 10:01 AM

To: _EVERYONE

Subject: RE: FW: PUNNY STORY!!!!

What the hell are you talking about?

James Gottfried

Executive Director