Hooray, Stereotype Day!

From: Tina Jones
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 8:55 AM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: St Patrick’s Day!!!

Top o’ the mornin’ to y’all,

Just wanted to let you know today is your lucky day because:

1. If you’re lucky enough to be Irish, you’re lucky enough………and
2. Everyone’s Irish on St Patrick’s Day!

May you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!

Tina Jones
Blog-Watcher and Forwarder

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 9:03 AM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: RE: St Patrick’s Day!!!

Tina,

I know. I’m so excited because, today of all days, my Irishness is upped from ¼ to 1/1. That’s a pretty big increase. Just erases the Heeb right out of me.

To celebrate this yearly occasion, the one day I’m considered saved by the Roman Catholic Church, I get blackout drunk on Irish whiskey. Today is no different. I have in my desk three bottles of Jameson Irish Whiskey. I had intended on drinking them all by myself – one per hour – but because I was reminded that today, of all days, everyone’s Irish (in some genetic anomaly shared by the human race), I’ve decided to share them.

Shots begin in ten minutes. We’ll be playing a drinking game I like to refer to as “The Pogue Mahone.” Essentially, I’ll have several albums by The Pogues playing on repeat. Every time Shane McGowan is indecipherable, we drink.

Slainte,

Aaron Simon
Enrollment Coordination Specialist, Drunk

From: Tina Jones
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 9:20 AM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: RE: RE: St Patrick’s Day!!!

LOL

No one’s drinking, you joker.

What’s slaint?

Top a the mornin, everyone!

Tina Jones
Blog-Watcher, Forwarder

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 10:01 AM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: RE: RE: RE: St Patrick’s Day!!!

know what I dont get eveyrne? how Tina Still has a job. I means fhit, here I am drinkin my ass off tryin to help out the office with its cultural sensitivity bullshit and BAM here she comes with this– hold on

That was TH in HR. He says Im being disorderly. I said SO’S YOUR FACE! That shut him up.

Right. So. Know what the deal is with St Paddy? Hates snakes. The man is anti-snake. That’s discrimination and here we are like sheep – BAAAAH BAAAAAH BAAAAAAH – accepting it and drinking int the mant’s name. Fuck that, I say. Oh, shit, wait.

Yep, thwat was anmother three shots. God I love The Pgoes. Know what else I like> Fuckin Jameson. It’s only ten in o’clock and im feelin toasty. Oh slainte means salute you vacuous human waste. i guess since its not a goddamn cliche you dont know it do you you sub-mental inch-worm?

Aaron out
Enrolment Guy, Drunk!!!!!!!, Saved

From: Tina Jones
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 10:04 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: St Patrick’s Day!!!

Do you need help? You’d better watch it, because Ted might come down on you if you keep on going on like that, and what your saying about my job performance is entirely uncalled-for. I have another job, you know, I just put the blog watching thing there as a joke. You do it, you should understand.

Tina Jones
Blog-Watcher, Forwarder

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 10:15 AM
To: Cathy Jones
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: St Patrick’s Day!!!

lolololololololololololololololololololololololol [troll face]

No but seriously dont see what you’re on about, lady.

Also, CLAN MONTGOMERY, MOFO, CLAN MONTGOMERY AND POGUE MAHONE

lololololol

From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 11:00 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Consuming alcohol at work

Aaron,

While my computer has been confiscated by the authorities, I should have you know that your current state is punishable “up to and including termination” as per Section 6 of the policy manual.

Please avoid any such infractions in the future – or, at the very least, do not make them public.

Regards,
Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources

Sent from my BlackBerry™

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 11:30 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: Consuming alcohol at work

Ted,

I’m not inebriated at work. I do have respect for the office and those around me, you know.

It’s all just been an elaborate joke, and, if you wish, I will partake in a breath test to prove my sobriety.

Regards,
Aaron Simon
Enrollment Coordination Specialist, Loki Impersonator, Graphic Designer, Wordsmith

From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 11:31 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: Consuming alcohol at work

Aaron,

Glad to hear it. You might want to choose your targets a little more wisely in the future. Tina is going around asking for people who want to be part of an intervention.

Regards,

Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources

Sent from my BlackBerry™

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 11:33 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: RE: Consuming alcohol at work

HA! JUST KIDDING IM PLASTERED

you pervert