Cubanos and Orange Juice

From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:23 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Tasha Gordon

Aaron,

Tasha just came to my office to alert me that you may or may not be carrying thirty pounds of marijuana on your body in order to take part in a massive drug deal with Cubans. Would you like to come to my office to discuss this?

Best,

Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:40 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: Tasha Gordon

Yo,

Nah, that’s cool. There’s nothing to discuss. She asked me why I was wearing a shirt and slacks. I didn’t feel like reiterating that I was going to a concert tonight, so I told her that I was selling Cubans some drugs, which, of course, would contradict the policy manual.

It’s probably for the best to ignore anything she has to say about me. I also didn’t say that her son is proof positive that, while there most certainly is a God, that God is more akin to Loki the Norse god of trickery than whatever childish nonsense she has to believe about Christianity.

Best,

Aaron Simon
Enrollment Coordination Specialist

P.S. You want some? I can hook you up, blood. Good price, good shit. Home-grown, if you know what I mean.

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:41 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: narc

T:

Don’t narc on me again. I know people.

Remember: Snitches get stitches.

-A

From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:03 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon

Aaron,

Tasha just came by my office in tears about what you may or may not have said about her son. I’m not sure what there is between the two of you, but you need to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing.

Please come by my office so we can review the policy manual regarding illicit activities and the overall idea of constructing a harmonious office environment.

Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:05 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon

Gosh, Ted, you know, I would, but I am absolutely swamped here. Files gotta be processed, and I’m the only one who knows how to do it up right, you know?

As far as having, ah, workplace conflicts with some of my coworkers: Well, I wouldn’t say that all of the fault lays on my end. You know, she looks pretty Aryan. Not trying to say anything–you know?–but, well, there’s kind of a historical conflict between people of that sort of appearance and my people. By which I mean the minority ethnicity of the Jews. I think you understand where I’m coming from. Hard to come into the office some days, you know?

As far as “illicit activities” goes, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I was discussing selling you some orange juice.

Aaron Simon
Graphic Designer, Wordsmith, Enrollment Dude

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:06 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: narc again

I thought I said don’t narc.

Horse head.

That is all.

From: Tasha Gordon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:10 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: narc again

you crazy psycho if you say one more thing i will have you fired dont talk to me again my husband will kick your ass

also STOP LEAVING THAT STUPID EYE PICTURE ON MY DESK!!!!!

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:10 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: The All-Seeing Eye

is not to be trifled with. It watches you.

From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:23 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon

Aaron,

Is this actual, human busy, or is this your kind of busy where you’re spinning in your chair or looking at those websites about Star Wars? Which reminds me: As per Section 5.12 of the policy manual, use of organizational computers is restricted to business matters. Any further infractions will lead to an Internet block on your account.

Accusations of discrimination must be brought up through the proper channels and not through thinly-veiled e-mails. What you’re saying is very serious, and I urge you to consider whether or not you’d like to go on record as stating that one of your coworkers is an anti-Semite.

I’m not stupid. I know what you were talking about, and it wasn’t orange juice. Please do not insult my intelligence and please remember who is superior to who in this office.

Ted Hayward
Director, Human Reources

P.S. In order to ensure that business communication is uniform and professional, I ask that you keep your signature to your official job title. “Loki Impersonator” is not your title. If you are doing graphic design work, then I ask that you use your own equipment for it, and not the organization’s.

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:10 PM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon

Shalom

No dude, for serious. Got files stacked up to the ceiling up in here. It’s crazy; I feel bad taking my hourly half an hour break. As for the computers: It’s not a big deal. I’ve got an IP masker running while downloading my torrents on this machine.

T and I got the misunderstanding settled. She’s to wear a Nazi flag whenever she’s in the office, and I won’t go around telling people she hates Jews and Muslims. Everybody wins. She’s wearing it now, if you want to head over and see. Ignore the crying, she’s not used to being referred to as “Himmler” yet.

And as for your status talk:

-Aaron
Enrollment Dude, DHS Bitch, Loki Impersonator

From: Wes Graves
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:40 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: orange juice

Ted wants me to block your internet access.

You hook me up with some “orange juice” and I’ll see that your connection goes faster and route your IP address to his computer.

Wes Graves
IT Manager
SystemTec Business Solutions

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:42 PM
To: Wes Graves
Subject: RE: orange juice

Word.

Call 615.555.9685 and ask for Roddy. Tell him I sent you. Best damn OJ you’ll get, dude.

-AS
Wordsmith

From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 14, 2011 12:10 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Internet

You wouldn’t know anything about a call from the FBI regarding the illegal downloads of several adult film titles on my computer, would you?

Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 14, 2011 12:25 PM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: Internet

Dude, save that stuff for home.

From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:23 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Tasha Gordon

Aaron,

Tasha just came to my office to alert me that you may or may not be carrying thirty pounds of marijuana on your body in order to take part in a massive drug deal with Cubans. Would you like to come to my office to discuss this?

Best,

Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:40 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: Tasha Gordon

Yo,

Nah, that’s cool. There’s nothing to discuss. She asked me why I was wearing a shirt and slacks. I didn’t feel like reiterating that I was going to a concert tonight, so I told her that I was selling Cubans some drugs, which, of course, would contradict the policy manual.

It’s probably for the best to ignore anything she has to say to me. I also didn’t say that her son is proof positive that, while there most certainly is a God, that God is more akin to Loki the Norse god of trickery than whatever childish nonsense she has to believe about Christianity.

Best,

Aaron Simon
Enrollment Coordination Specialist

P.S. You want some? I can hook you up, blood. Good price, good shit. Home-grown, if you know what I mean.

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:41 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: narc

T:

Don’t narc on me again. I know people.

Remember: Snitches get stitches.

-A

From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:03 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon

Aaron,

Tasha just came by my office in tears about what you may or may not have said about her son. I’m not sure what there is between the two of you, but you need to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing.

Please come by my office so we can review the policy manual regarding illicit activities and the overall idea of constructing a harmonious office environment.

Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:05 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon

Gosh, Ted, you know, I would, but I am absolutely swamped here. Files gotta be processed, and I’m the only one who knows how to do it up right, you know?

As far as having, ah, workplace conflicts with some of my coworkers: Well, I wouldn’t say that all of the fault lays on my end. You know, she looks pretty Aryan. Not trying to say anything–you know?–but, well, there’s kind of a historical conflict between people of that sort of appearance and my people. By which I mean the minority ethnicity of the Jews. I think you understand where I’m coming from. Hard to come into the office some days, you know?

As far as “illicit activities” goes, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I was discussing selling you some orange juice.

Aaron Simon
Graphic Designer, Wordsmith, Enrollment Dude

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:06 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: narc again

I thought I said don’t narc.

Horse head.

That is all.

From: Tasha Gordon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:10 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: narc again

you crazy psycho if you say one more thing i will have you fired dont talk to me again my husband will kick your ass

also STOP LEAVING THAT STUPID EYE PICTURE ON MY DESK!!!!!

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:10 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: The All-Seeing Eye

is not to be trifled with. It watches you.

From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:23 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon

Aaron,

Is this actual, human busy, or is this your kind of busy where you’re spinning in your chair or looking at those websites about Star Wars? Which reminds me: As per Section 5.12 of the policy manual, use of organizational computers is restricted to business matters. Any further infractions will lead to an Internet block on your account.

Accusations of discrimination must be brought up through the proper channels and not through thinly-veiled e-mails. What you’re saying is very serious, and I urge you to consider whether or not you’d like to go on record as stating that one of your coworkers is an anti-Semite.

I’m not stupid. I know what you were talking about, and it wasn’t orange juice. Please do not insult my intelligence and please remember who is superior to who in this office.

Ted Hayward
Director, Human Reources

P.S. In order to ensure that business communication is uniform and professional, I ask that you keep your signature to your official job title. “Loki Impersonator” is not your title. If you are doing graphic design work, then I ask that you use your own equipment for it, and not the organization’s.

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:10 PM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon

Shalom

No dude, for serious. Got files stacked up to the ceiling up in here. It’s crazy; I feel bad taking my hourly half an hour break. As for the computers: It’s not a big deal. I’ve got an IP masker running while downloading my torrents on this machine.

T and I got the misunderstanding settled. She’s to wear a Nazi flag whenever she’s in the office, and I won’t go around telling people she hates Jews and Muslims. Everybody wins. She’s wearing it now, if you want to head over and see. Ignore the crying, she’s not used to being referred to as “Himmler” yet.

And as for your status talk:

http://pandora.cii.wwu.edu/vajda/russ110/images/slides/V2_011_1.jpg

-Aaron
Enrollment Dude, DHS Bitch, Loki Impersonator

From: Wes Graves
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:40 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: orange juice

Ted wants me to block your internet access.

You hook me up with some “orange juice” and I’ll see that your connection goes faster and route your IP address to his computer.

Wes Graves
IT Manager
SystemTec Business Solutions

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:42 PM
To: Wes Graves
Subject: RE: orange juice

Word.

Call 615.555.9685 and ask for Roddy. Tell him I sent you. Best damn OJ you’ll get, dude.

-AS
Wordsmith

From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 14, 2011 12:10 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Internet

You wouldn’t know anything about a call from the FBI regarding the illegal downloads of several adult film titles on my computer, would you?

Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 14, 2011 12:25 PM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: Internet

Dude, save that stuff for home.From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:23 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Tasha Gordon

Aaron,

Tasha just came to my office to alert me that you may or may not be carrying thirty pounds of marijuana on your body in order to take part in a massive drug deal with Cubans. Would you like to come to my office to discuss this?

Best,

Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:40 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: Tasha Gordon

Yo,

Nah, that’s cool. There’s nothing to discuss. She asked me why I was wearing a shirt and slacks. I didn’t feel like reiterating that I was going to a concert tonight, so I told her that I was selling Cubans some drugs, which, of course, would contradict the policy manual.

It’s probably for the best to ignore anything she has to say to me. I also didn’t say that her son is proof positive that, while there most certainly is a God, that God is more akin to Loki the Norse god of trickery than whatever childish nonsense she has to believe about Christianity.

Best,

Aaron Simon
Enrollment Coordination Specialist

P.S. You want some? I can hook you up, blood. Good price, good shit. Home-grown, if you know what I mean.

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:41 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: narc

T:

Don’t narc on me again. I know people.

Remember: Snitches get stitches.

-A

From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:03 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon

Aaron,

Tasha just came by my office in tears about what you may or may not have said about her son. I’m not sure what there is between the two of you, but you need to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing.

Please come by my office so we can review the policy manual regarding illicit activities and the overall idea of constructing a harmonious office environment.

Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:05 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon

Gosh, Ted, you know, I would, but I am absolutely swamped here. Files gotta be processed, and I’m the only one who knows how to do it up right, you know?

As far as having, ah, workplace conflicts with some of my coworkers: Well, I wouldn’t say that all of the fault lays on my end. You know, she looks pretty Aryan. Not trying to say anything–you know?–but, well, there’s kind of a historical conflict between people of that sort of appearance and my people. By which I mean the minority ethnicity of the Jews. I think you understand where I’m coming from. Hard to come into the office some days, you know?

As far as “illicit activities” goes, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I was discussing selling you some orange juice.

Aaron Simon
Graphic Designer, Wordsmith, Enrollment Dude

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:06 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: narc again

I thought I said don’t narc.

Horse head.

That is all.

From: Tasha Gordon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:10 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: narc again

you crazy psycho if you say one more thing i will have you fired dont talk to me again my husband will kick your ass

also STOP LEAVING THAT STUPID EYE PICTURE ON MY DESK!!!!!

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:10 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: The All-Seeing Eye

is not to be trifled with. It watches you.

From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:23 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon

Aaron,

Is this actual, human busy, or is this your kind of busy where you’re spinning in your chair or looking at those websites about Star Wars? Which reminds me: As per Section 5.12 of the policy manual, use of organizational computers is restricted to business matters. Any further infractions will lead to an Internet block on your account.

Accusations of discrimination must be brought up through the proper channels and not through thinly-veiled e-mails. What you’re saying is very serious, and I urge you to consider whether or not you’d like to go on record as stating that one of your coworkers is an anti-Semite.

I’m not stupid. I know what you were talking about, and it wasn’t orange juice. Please do not insult my intelligence and please remember who is superior to who in this office.

Ted Hayward
Director, Human Reources

P.S. In order to ensure that business communication is uniform and professional, I ask that you keep your signature to your official job title. “Loki Impersonator” is not your title. If you are doing graphic design work, then I ask that you use your own equipment for it, and not the organization’s.

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:10 PM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon

Shalom

No dude, for serious. Got files stacked up to the ceiling up in here. It’s crazy; I feel bad taking my hourly half an hour break. As for the computers: It’s not a big deal. I’ve got an IP masker running while downloading my torrents on this machine.

T and I got the misunderstanding settled. She’s to wear a Nazi flag whenever she’s in the office, and I won’t go around telling people she hates Jews and Muslims. Everybody wins. She’s wearing it now, if you want to head over and see. Ignore the crying, she’s not used to being referred to as “Himmler” yet.

And as for your status talk:

http://pandora.cii.wwu.edu/vajda/russ110/images/slides/V2_011_1.jpg

-Aaron
Enrollment Dude, DHS Bitch, Loki Impersonator

From: Wes Graves
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:40 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: orange juice

Ted wants me to block your internet access.

You hook me up with some “orange juice” and I’ll see that your connection goes faster and route your IP address to his computer.

Wes Graves
IT Manager
SystemTec Business Solutions

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:42 PM
To: Wes Graves
Subject: RE: orange juice

Word.

Call 615.555.9685 and ask for Roddy. Tell him I sent you. Best damn OJ you’ll get, dude.

-AS
Wordsmith

From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 14, 2011 12:10 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Internet

You wouldn’t know anything about a call from the FBI regarding the illegal downloads of several adult film titles on my computer, would you?

Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 14, 2011 12:25 PM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: Internet

Dude, save that stuff for home.

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