So I’m in the kinda-sorta finishing stages of getting this comic series sent off to a couple of publishing houses, and I figured, “Hey, I don’t really share enough of my other projects on this website.” (In case you’re wondering, the final stages of a submission process for me involve taking a shot of whiskey and hurling a sealed manila envelope at the postman, generally while shouting “Here! Take it and be done with it!” Of course, this varies just a little bit when I’m submitting something via e-mail. I have to blind myself then and hope I actually hit “Send.” )
Anywho, I figured that I’d go ahead and put this up on the website for archival purposes (cause that sounds fancy). So. Comment on it, I guess? After the jump, though, because I’m not putting it here, that would be absurd.
The President of the United States declares that the nation’s premiere superhero group, Amurika Corps, has been disbanded for classified reasons. (Mr. Amurika, the leader, was arrested for possession of child pornography.) In order to fill the safety gap, the government announces the creation of the Bureau of Super Individuals, an offshoot of the Executive branch with the powers to recruit superheroes from around the country.
In Houston, Andy and Jim Simkowitz watch the press conference and Jim, a rabbi, tells Andy that it’s about time he does something with his life other than work in retail, that his superpowers – an Aquaman-esque ability to communicate with sea life – will finally come in handy. Andy expresses doubt at this when the doorbell rings and Agent Ditko, an agent of the BSI, alerts Andy that he has been drafted into service.
Meanwhile, at the Houston Police Department’s Central Precinct, another officer from the BSI is led through the holding cells to meet with a man who was incarcerated after he touched someone at a concert and, as a result, boiled his blood. After being warned about the man’s inherent danger, the agent offers Killman 3000, the man accused of murder, the opportunity to work off the crime as a superhero on the government’s payroll.
Soon after, at the BSI’s Houston office in the Louisiana Building, the bureau is inundated with applications from wannabe heroes and is pressured to round out the city’s crime-fighting trio. A man who looks like he’s trying to get a job as an action movie star walks in and introduces himself as Demolition Man. After stating that his power is the strength of 70.06 men, and that he collapsed a building by flicking a cornerstone, he’s hired on to fill out the group.
The next day, Simkowitz, now calling himself SquidJew, and Demolition Man sit inside one of the BSI’s conference rooms, waiting on Ditko to appear. They have a brief conversation and SquidJew is shocked by Demolition Man’s lack of knowledge of action movies. Ditko arrives with Killman and the briefing commences as Ditko tells them that the BSI will provide accommodation and transportation, and that they’ve already been given the name The Justice Trio (which tested positive with test audiences). He next takes them to their transportation: a used Chevy Econoline van, then escorts them to their accommodation.
Meanwhile, across town, a large, chili-pepper eating, fire-breathing iguana sits in the cage in an eight-year old’s room. When the boy arrives with a regular-sized iguana and tries to force the two to mate, the large iguana, Xandor, Crowned Prince of the Iguanas plans his escape. While Billy, the kid, heads downstairs to get a camera, Xandor escapes the house. His first act of freedom is to rush to a Mexican fast food restaurant in search of chilis. He bursts through the front windows to the lobby, makes his way to the back of the restaurant, and consumes all of the chilis available, leading to him breathing fire and setting the restaurant on fire.
In the dock districts of Houston, The Justice Trio arrives at their HQ, a formerly abandoned warehouse semi-refurbished by the BSI, to be called The Fortress of Justice. Ditko takes them for a tour around the warehouse where they see the Chamber of Communication (a janitor’s closet with a semi-functioning black-and-white TV), their rooms (smaller than dorm rooms), and their Goodwill-furnished living room. After SquidJew gets uppity and accuses Ditko and the BSI of short-changing the group, Ditko verbally puts the hero in his place and leaves to go to another appointment.
Near Memorial Park, Xandor, breathing fire, is cornered by a group of cops. After he destroys their cars on accident, the police flee and call their boss, Police Commissioner Bob, a morbidly obese individual who has an obsession with Houston sports and has to gasp for air in the middle of sentences.
Bob calls The Justice Trio, who dispatch themselves in their Econoline and make their way towards Memorial Park. Along the way, they bicker about what should play on the radio on the job, and, while arguing, they manage to run over Xandor without realizing it. The van flips in midair and, after it lands, the heroes make a comment about how suspiciously easy the mission was.
The issue closes with an excerpt from a paper called The Houston Daily Issue, which paints the heroes as pet-murderers and terrorists.