Nearly Drowning

Why I Kinda Almost Died

There are so many things I could tell you about today.

I could tell you about how my interview went.

I could tell you about how many times I thought I was going to kill my arm if I keep sleeping on air mattresses.

I could tell you about how I thought I was going to melt if I stay in this state too long. (It is ungodly hot in Tennessee.)

I could  tell you about how I’m still lamenting the loss of my external hard drive as a result of my own idiocy.

Instead, I’ll tell you about how I almost killed myself.

See, I had just finished the job interview, talked to my rents about it, and walked the dog. I decided that I’d celebrate by going for a little swim in the pool in the complex. Good idea, right? I don’t walk around a lot in Nashville (no one does), and so I needed to get some exercise in – and swimming’s a great way to do it.

Well, halfway through the swimming session, I decided that I’d start singing while swimming. And, as Fiddler on the Roof was one of my fondest memories from the past year, I decided that I’d sing “If I Were A Rich Man.” While on my back. In water. While moving. Sometimes, you see, I have lapses in good reasoning and decide to do things that should end up in my demise.

So there I am, thirty seconds later, sputtering by the side of the pool, cursing Chaim Topol for no reason other than he inspired me to be Tevye in the first place. I swore, then, that I would never sing while swimming again. Will I do it again? Probably. For two reasons:

  1. I am human, and thus I am stupid.
  2. I like singing when there’s no one around. There were geese, but they don’t judge.

You see, we all make pledges we won’t keep. Swearing not to drink after a hangover, for instance. I’m no exception, but, as I’ve rehearsed for the interview: “We all make mistakes. But, really, the only regrettable mistake is one from which we learn nothing.”

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