Tag Archives: Thoughts

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February 7, 2011

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Short Stories

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Wherein I Apologize for My Actions

So, this is awkward.

I guess I’d better apologize for everything in chronological order. First off: Barton, I’m sorry for calling your girlfriend “a sub-mental troglodyte who advocates the sexual assault of women who hang around in bars.” I was really keyed up to see the Steelers lose, and she was the only person in the apartment wearing Steelers gear. Something in me snapped, and I’m not proud of it, so… well, sorry.

Sorry, Dana, that was really horrible of me. I’m sure you don’t support rape, since that would be absurd–even if you defended the Black-Eyed Peas, which we’ll get to later, I’m sure. Still, you are a troglodyte for watching Jersey Shore instead of, say, well, anything that takes half a brain to enjoy. Just calling the shots as I see ’em.

And, once again, sorry to Barton. Calling you “dickless” for not having buffalo wings at your party was a jerk thing to say. I’m sure you had a good reason for replacing the usual buffalo wings with a ball of cheddar cheese–cause hey, that was pretty good, even if it got awkward when Steph said she was lactose intolerant and we looked at each other because I dropped some cheese in her Coke, which she drank. (Sorry, Steph. My fault you spent the night in the hospital.) Referring to you for the rest of the night as Barton the Fairy might have been off-color as well.
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January 26, 2011

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Essays/My Intriguing Thoughts

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The Horrors of Writing

Introduction

You're a writer? The horror. The horror.

Don’t get me wrong, writing’s a blast. It’s one of the things that keeps me from becoming a total madman, drooling over myself in a corner somewhere, murmuring about paranoid delusions more than I already do. In that respect, it’s an incredibly important part of my life.

It’s also a way for me to entertain myself. I’m pretty sure that I’m entertaining other people with my writing,  but it would be awfully presumptuous of me to assume that everything I write results in anything more than a quick breath through the nose and maybe a nod of the head.

All of this has been brewing in my head since, oh, January of last year, when I was recuperating from Scarlett Thomas’s weekly realist lecture. (She called it tutoring in the Creative Writing M.A., but it was really just gushing about how we should all be like Tolstoy.) I started thinking, “Why did I decide to go for an M.A. in Creative Writing?” I could have done anything that wasn’t in the sciences. Fuck, anthropology’s cool. I could’ve gone into anthropology.

Anyway, I finished the degree, and the really good part about it was that I managed to get a rolling start on Cloyd, which is now finished and is in the drafting-cover-letters portion of its nascency. But the doubts keep coming, which I guess is a good thing. Overconfidence is a weakness, as Luke Skywalker said before being electrocuted by Emperor Palpatine.
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January 20, 2011

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Current Projects

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Feedback?

Riddle me this, riddle me that, is this idea a lump of shat?

So nu. I’m considering starting a new blog, thus adding to the growing non-empire. It’d be called Diplomatic Immunity, and I’ve preemptively reserved an address for it.

The basic premise is that I pitched a TV show to a travel network and was given the greenlight for it, but the show never aired. The blog would take the form of screenplays/teleplays/scripts of each episode. Each episode would involve me going… somewhere–either in the U.S. or Europe–and traveling looking around for “what makes humanity tick.” By the end of the episode, shenanigans would have occurred and I would have been deported, arrested, or kicked out of a state or country.

For example, I manically wrote part of the first episode the other day; it involves going to Rome and falling in with a cult of Mars. By the end of the episode, I would have drunkenly taken part in a failed revolt, wound up chased to the American embassy, and deported.

So, something you’d be interested in? I’m hoping to hear from a few people at least. (Hi JonChad. Hi Flynn.) So, yeah, let me know if you’d be interested in reading something like that/you (the ubiquitous you) would get a kick out of it.