Vault-Tec

From: Don Langley
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 8:45 AM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: Their ‘Oak Ridge’ Could Have Been Ours

ON THIS DAY

On March 28, 1979, America’s worst commercial nuclear accident occurred inside the Unit Two reactor at the Three Mile Island plant near Middletown, Pa.

Consider, for a minute, please, what you should do if a news flash announced a ‘significant’ radiation spill in the Cumberland River of a magnitude endangering human life .  .  .

 

.  .  . please do not lull yourself into thinking that we in Nashville need not be prepared to react intelligently to a radiation threat.

…don

Don Langley

Safety Czar

 

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 8:53 AM
To: Don Langley
Subject: RE: Their ‘Oak Ridge’ Could Have Been Ours

Don,

Thank you so much for bringing this to people’s attention. I often wonder about the threat of every nuclear facility in the state exploding simultaneously—for reasons varying from terrorism to Ragnarok—and it’s great to see that someone else shares my concern.

I think you’ll be interested in knowing that I’ve been rather proactive in my concerns about this threat. I have taken the initiative and found a company—very hush hush, so you’ll excuse me if I omit their name for the moment—that is preparing an initiative to protect a significant percentage of the American populace from the threat of a nuclear holocaust.

Think of the bomb shelters in the 1950s, except at a much larger scale. The “Vaults,” as they are called, are built to withstand thermonuclear blasts that are far, far greater than those that destroyed Hiroshima and Nagasaki—not to mention they are being built into the sides of geographic features like mountains and canyons.

If you’d like, I can give you more information, but you must swear to keep it on the down-low, okay? There’s only so many slots open, and the screening process is quite thorough.

Quite. Thorough.

Aaron Simon

 

From: Don Langley
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 9:00 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: Their ‘Oak Ridge’ Could Have Been Ours

AARON

Good to hear another person has the same thinking ive already gottenemaisl from people who think im overreacting to something that hasn’t happened in ages and wont again but I just said LOOK WHAT HAPPENED IN JAPAN!!!!!

Whats the name of this company Im sure interested….

 

You said that the screening is thorough……. What does that mean? My wife is interested too

Best,

Don Langley

Safety Czar

 

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 9:12 AM
To: Don Langley
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Their ‘Oak Ridge’ Could Have Been Ours

The company is called Vault-Tec. Don’t bother running a search online for them; you’ll only get results from some childish game that took inspiration from their efforts.

They’re a group of people who have the best interests of humanity at heart, hence the thorough screening process.  The philosophy behind the way they operate has been criticized as “nearly eugenics,” though that is little more than hate- and fear-mongering by those too short-sighted to acknowledge that the way the world operates is a one-way track to destruction.

The screening involves a complete genetic analysis, psychological profile, and several tests of your willingness to engage in martial combat.

On a somewhat ironic note: Do you recall in earlier in this e-mail, when I mentioned a video game? Well, Vault-Tec, displaying great magnanimity,  has, rather than sued the makers of the game, arranged for the games to be used as part of their screening process.

I have to go take care of a few things, but if you have any more questions, please let me know.

Aaron Simon

Enrollment Guy

 

From: Don Langley
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 9:30 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Their ‘Oak Ridge’ Could Have Been Ours

You are darn tootin Im interested!!! Don’t know about playing a vddeio game to get into it though… that seems just a BIT WEIRD but if that’s what the man wants. That’s what he gets………

Get back to me when your’e back. I need to know who to contact!

Don Langley

Safety Czar

 

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 1:08 PM
To: Don Langley
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Their ‘Oak Ridge’ Could Have Been Ours

Hi Don,

It so happens that the way they’ve got their organization set up is that interested parties contact proxies. It’s kind of like how you don’t go up to a Masonic Lodge and be like, “I’m a Mason now.” You know someone who’s a Mason, then they ease you in.

Same thing.

Lucky for you, Don, I am your proxy. I’ve already got a few things lined up in terms of getting your foot in the door. All I need you to do is run a couple of the simulation/appraisal sections of the game, and then we’ll ship off the data and see if you meet the cut.

Don’t worry: If you’re in, they’ll write your wife in as well.

Enrollment Guy

 

From: Don Langley
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 1:14 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Their ‘Oak Ridge’ Could Have Been Ours

Great!!

What do I need to do?

Don Langley

Safety Czar

 

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 1:16 PM
To: Don Langley
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Their ‘Oak Ridge’ Could Have Been Ours

I’ll bring in my console tomorrow, hook it up in your office, and show you what to do.

Good luck!

 

Aaron Simon

Enrollment Guy

 

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 1:30 PM
To: Chris Flynn
Subject: VICTORY IS MINE!

Dude! You remember me telling you about that part in Old World Blues I couldn’t get past? The part with the Robot Radscorpions and when you have to deal with the Doctor?

Anyway, I got some rube at my office to beat it for me! He thinks there’s an actual Vault-Tec and he’s doing this to get a place in one of the Vaults in case of a nuclear explosion!

Aaaaahahahahahah!

 

From: Chris Flynn
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 1:35 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: VICTORY IS MINE!

You are a sad little man.

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s