My Brief Time As A Marvel Writer

The following is a transcript of Aaron Simon’s appearance as the new sole writer of Spider-Man at Comic-Con, San Diego, where he was the featured speaker on a panel of Marvel writers. It is notable since he was fired shortly thereafter.

MC: So join me in welcoming the new writer of Spider-Man, Aaron Simon.

[Applause. Simon walks in from stage left. He wears what could be described as hobo clothes, has about three weeks’ facial hair growth, and it does not look like he has bathed in a while. He carries a bottle of whiskey in his right hand. As he approaches the table, a stage hand runs out of the wings and grabs the bottle. Words are exchanged, though it is unclear what was said, and, after a couple minutes of grunting and struggling, Simon lets the whiskey go. He sits at the table in front of him and positions the microphone in front of his face.]

AS: Hi. So. Uh. [He shields his eyes from the glare of the auditorium lights.] Fuck, those are bright. Can we get that shit turned down?

MC: Can we? [MC holds his hand to his ear.] No we can’t. Okay, Mr. Simon, how about you introduce yourself to everyone here. You’re kind of a newcomer to the comics industry, aren’t you?

AS: Fuck yeah. I don’t read this garbage.

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