Er, look. I was pretty caught up in the Rapture thing, so sorry to everyone in Nashville who I might have run across.
Sorry for the:
Just… everything.
The setting of our fair tale.
It had been a long time since I’d been to Cafe Coco. The last time I went was soon after I returned from England, and, re-acclimating to driving in the U.S., I gave a couple pedestrians some heart attacks when I nearly bowled them over. Long story. So, combined with a mad rush to avoid having my car clamped for illegally parking somewhere, I kind of wrote Cafe Coco off as The Place Where Pedestrians Are Run Down Like In Highlander, and hadn’t returned.
But then it came time to meet up with a friend of mine, and, since the cute barista I could never talk to was gone from the 21st Avenue Starbucks, I decided to mix it up a bit.
The cafe is in a two-story house off Ellington Parkway, just down the street from Baptist Hospital and Centennial Park. The street’s a pretty cool area, a hodgepodge hookah bars, sushi places, steak places, and a Tea Party-affiliated bookstore. (I walk by the place and tend to hiss.)
By virtue of being near Vanderbilt and the Park, it attracts a wide variety of people. I’ve seen everyone from Hasidim to Ed Hardy-bedecked club-goers there. And now, I understand just what a “wide and diverse clientele” means.
See, I showed up a little earlier than I’d intended. Luckily, I brought my handy-dandy European Carry-All and a book I’m reading for a review. So I went inside, ordered a coffee from the bartender, and went back outside to the porch. I can deal with humidity, as long as there’s something to keep my mind off of it. If nothing else, The Dewey Decimal System is engrossing enough to keep me from thinking about all of the water I’m sweating out of my body.
So I sat down in a chair on the porch, cracked open the book, and started reading. That didn’t last long.
Behind me, there was a group of guys in their late twenties. One of them talked much louder than the others. He was the sort of broadcasting-type of person who is really, really enthusiastic about every day minutiae. And it was at this point that the crazy really started.
From: Darlene Burns
Sent: Friday, April 15, 2011 7:13 AM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: tickets
i have three extra tickets to the southern womens show at bridgestone arena they are five$ each (ten$) at the door.
Darlene Burns
Fiscal Specialist
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Friday, April 15, 2011 7:45 AM
To: Darlene Burns
Subject: tickets
Dear Darlene,
Will there be hoops? Who are the judges? As I’m sure you know, these sorts of questions are very important as if the wrong judges are present, then there will be problems such as inherent bias, which may mean the better contestant may not win.
-Aaron Simon
Enrollment Guy
From: Darlene Burns
Sent: Friday, April 15, 2011 7:50 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: tickets
What? I don’t think i understand what you’re talking about LOL 🙂
Darlene Burns
Fiscal Specialist
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Friday, April 15, 2011 7:53 AM
To: Darlene Burns
Subject: tickets
Darlene:
Yes you do. This is a Southern Women’s Show, is it not? I imagine that there will be a few different competitions like obedience, that bit where women are paraded around in circles while judges look over their poise and form, and then that bit where judges look at women’s gums.
I’ve always been an avid follower of Southern Women’s Shows and would really like to check out the one in Nashville, but would prefer getting a preview of sorts before buying a ticket. So: Hoops, judges, what?
-Aaron Simon
Watcher of Southern Women
From: Darlene Burns
Sent: Friday, April 15, 2011 8:30 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: tickets
I don’t think I get where you’re coming from seriously. Are you suggesting this is a dog show, but for women?
Darlene Burns
Fiscal Specialist
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Friday, April 15, 2011 9:25 AM
To: Darlene Burns
Subject: tickets
Yep, you’ve nailed it. That’s been the case with every Southern Women’s Show I’ve been to in the past. I’m confused as to what you think this would be–some sort of fashion show? Laughable. No. This will probably be a very competitive example, I bet.
The last Southern Women’s Show I went to in Nashville (a few years ago) had involved a sell-off of the unspoken-for women at the end of the show. Obviously, the winners were much more expensive than the losers, as they proved they were more pliable and had more experience than the losers. A friend of mine bought a Southern Woman for $450 and said that he was getting a good deal.
I ordered her to cook for us one night, and she did not know how to cook grits. I said he was ripped off, since that seems like it’s a very Southern Woman sort of thing to know how to do. Turns out she was one of the losers of the competition (only jumped through one hoop and did not own enough freakishly large Easter hats to qualify for the semifinals), so I definitely know he got ripped off.
Will there be a grits-cooking competition at the Southern Women’s Show?
-Aaron
Sometimes Eats Grits
From: Darlene Burns
Sent: Friday, April 15, 2011 11:15 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: tickets
Sorry to tell you, but the tickets sold out.
SORRY!!!!
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Friday, April 15, 2011 11:31 AM
To: Darlene Burns
Subject: tickets
That’s okay.
I bought tickets to the Columbia, South Carolina Southern Women’s Show.
Aaron Simon
Reaching For Titles, Here
Aaron C Simon 