From: Lucretia Royal
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2011 11:05 AM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: Direct Deposit E-mails

Apparently, there have been emails going around from an untrustworthy source stating that your direct deposit has been rejected.  These emails are not coming from me or anyone in the admin department.  Please ignore and do not follow any links.  Thanks!

 

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2011 11:35 AM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: RE: Direct Deposit E-mails

Hi everyone,

Thought I’d chime in here and try to help out those who are confused. While there have been a plethora of scam artists who have tried this sort of stuff before, these e-mails are perfectly A-OK and natural. There is nothing to be concerned about with them, so please continue to e-mail bank details, DOBs, and any other requested information to the e-mail addresses listed in the e-mails. After all, you wouldn’t want to not get unpaid not, right?

-Aaron Simon

Loki Impersonator

Enrolment Guy

 

From: Lucretia Royal
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2011 11:55 AM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: RE: RE: Direct Deposit E-mails

Aaron, care to tell us where you got this information? I haven’t seen anything from payroll or fiscal about problems or getting a partnership with any outside company to process our paying accounts.

 

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2011 12:01 PM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Direct Deposit E-mails

Well, I could tell you, but then that would ruin the, ah, agreement we have with this company.

You know, confidentiality for everyone involved, right? Wouldn’t want a coworker to contact this company with your identification information and start having your paychecks rerouted to their accounts, would you? After all, what with the way it’s set up, such a thing would be legal due to several pieces of legislation that have gone through Congress and stated that individuals who claim that they have had direct deposits altered against their will must provide express, written proof that they did so in the event that their accounts were changed.

It’s a lot of hassle, really, and not something I’d want to put up with. God knows you probably wouldn’t, eh, coworker?

So, for everyone involved, it’s best to send all correspondence to the address that contacted you.

Remember: Due to processing constraints, you must also fax a copy to 615.555.0373.

-AS

Enrollment dude

 

From: Lucretia Royal
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2011 12:37 PM
To: _EVERYONE
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Direct Deposit E-mails

Everyone, disregard Aaron’s e-mails.

I’ve just been in contact with payroll and they have no record of any such agreement ever being set up.

DO NOT SEND YOUR CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION TO THIRD PARTIES.

 

From: Yonna Turner
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2011 1:03 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Direct Deposit E-mails

Hi Mr. Simon,

Following up on Ms. Royal’s e-mails, I was wondering how you seem to know so much about these supposed agreements. I trust that nothing untoward has been occurring. I don’t want to make a stink about anything, but frankly, we’ve been warned about you and, while it would apparently be incredibly difficult to have you fired or otherwise let go, we would—in the event that something illegal was happening—be able to pursue venues to terminate your tenure at this agency.

Best,

Yonna Turner

Fiscal Aide

 

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2011 2:21 PM
To: Yonna Turner
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Direct Deposit E-mails

You’ve got a weird name, you know that? Swedish or something? Knew a Swede once. Magnus. He punched a pigeon out of the air. Anyway.

Swede:

I appreciate your warning and heads-up. Always good to know that I’ve got someone on my side, you know? Especially since I’m down here in a coven of social workers. Oh, they go on about their ethics all the time, but I tell them about the need—nay, the imperative—of the individual to emerge victorious over adversity of all kinds, and they start prattling about how it’s wrong to take money from the elderly—even when they’re willing to empty their own bank accounts!—just because the grey-hairs have dementia or some shit.

Sickening, isn’t it? But, hey, that’s what you get with these do-gooders.

Anyway, so since you contacted me, I assume that you’re willing to be a partner in this endeavor. Since I’m the one putting my name and neck on the line, I’d be hesitant to go 50/50 with you, but if you agree to cover my tracks in the fiscal department, then I reckon I can go 70/30.

Considering the amount of cash I’m siphoning out of this place every couple of weeks, you’ll be sitting pretty.

Assuming, of course, we manage to get that worm Hayward’s account. I’m sure he’s pulling upper $60s.

Aaron Simon

Your Partner In Crime

 

From: James Gottfried
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2011 3:31 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Direct Deposit E-mails

Want to explain this:

[begin quoted text]

You’ve got a weird name, you know that? Swedish or something? Knew a Swede once. Magnus. He punched a pigeon out of the air. Anyway.

Swede:

I appreciate your warning and heads-up. Always good to know that I’ve got someone on my side, you know? Especially since I’m down here in a coven of social workers. Oh, they go on about their ethics all the time, but I tell them about the need—nay, the imperative—of the individual to emerge victorious over adversity of all kinds, and they start prattling about how it’s wrong to take money from the elderly—even when they’re willing to empty their own bank accounts!—just because the grey-hairs have dementia or some shit.

Sickening, isn’t it? But, hey, that’s what you get with these do-gooders.

Anyway, so since you contacted me, I assume that you’re willing to be a partner in this endeavor. Since I’m the one putting my name and neck on the line, I’d be hesitant to go 50/50 with you, but if you agree to cover my tracks in the fiscal department, then I reckon I can go 70/30.

Considering the amount of cash I’m siphoning out of this place every couple of weeks, you’ll be sitting pretty.

Assuming, of course, we manage to get that worm Hayward’s account. I’m sure he’s pulling upper $60s.

Aaron Simon

Your Partner In Crime

[end quoted text]

Pretty heinous stuff, there. But I’m sure it’s just another joke.

 

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2011 4:14 PM
To: James Gottfried
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Direct Deposit E-mails

Yep! Another joke! Oh, man, I can’t believe she forwarded that to you. It’s almost like she thought I was being serious with that. I mean, what kind of jerk would defraud a non-profit? You’d have to be a real slimeball to even think about doing something like that, right?

Best,

Aaron Simon

Good Employee

Enrollment Coordination Specialist

 

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2011 4:15 PM
To: Yonna Turner
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Direct Deposit E-mails

Just remember that your name and address are a matter of public record.