From: Dianne Clarkson
Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2011 12:03 PM
To: _AGING
Subject: Wait List

Good afternoon everyone,

As you are all aware, we’re doing a great job of keeping up with the wait list. I’d like to thank Rachel, Holly, and Dana for their superb help in this process, and I hope that we can keep it up.

As for an update, we still have twenty spaces open in our Family Caregiver Program, but around a hundred people on the list for services. Now, it’s a fact of the game that people pass away while on the wait list, so it is very important that you keep on making those calls to keep our list up to date!! I am NOT saying that anyone is slacking off, just reminding everyone that they can continue to chip in ;).

Thanks again to everyone who has helped so much so far.

Dianne Clarkson
Director, Family Caregiver Program

From: Rachel Dillard
Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2011 12:10 PM
To: Dianne Clarkson; _AGING
Subject: RE: Wait List

hi everyone

Thanks for the help – I appreciate it more than you know.

keep on keeping on!!!

From: Holly MacDonald
Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2011 12:11 PM
To: Rachel Dillard; _AGING
Subject: RE: RE: Wait List

I can make some more calls if you want. Have any open for Williamson?

Holly MacDonald
Case Worker

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2011 12:15 PM
To: Dianne Clarkson; _AGING
Subject: RE: Wait List

Hello everyone,

We’re going about handling the wait list in a very, ah, inefficient manner. While I appreciate that all of you are working from the very human emotions such as ‘sympathy’ and ‘care for fellow humans,’ I do not like to conduct business with such things in mind. They are road blocks in the way of progress; children’s toys marring an otherwise perfect garden. More importantly, they are erroneous ways of viewing the situation.

We should be thinking of the wait list not in terms of individuals, but as numbers. Cogs, perhaps. The excess of people on the wait list is a problem, and I should remind you that we do not coddle problems, we eliminate problems.

I know a man who might be able to offer his services. It is for the best that I do not mention his name, for that would compromise his cover in our country. However, he is a friend of mine. He is a problem solver.

Dianne, all you have to do is give me the word and we can eliminate the problem.

I am even certain that he would do this pro bono, as he is a little out of practice when it comes to eliminating problems, and might be called upon to do so by his employer at any time.

Eagerly anticipating your reply,

Aaron Simon
Problem Solver, Enrollment Coordination Specialist

From: Dianne Clarkson
Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2011 3:24 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: Wait List

Aaron,

I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but if you are talking about what I think you are talking about, nice joke, but it’s not April Fool’s Day yet. Man, you are one sick puppy. LOL

Dianne Clarkson
Director, Family Caregiver Program

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2011 3:45 PM
To: Dianne Clarkson
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Wait List

Dianne,

I assure you, I am not joking.

I do, however, realize the moral and ethical problems you could conceivably have about this endeavor, and thus, I’m taking the matter into my own hands. If anything should happen, so be it. However, we must think of the good of the organization, and in this case, the good of the organization entails keeping up a facade of a modicum of efficiency. And, in my attempt to be a valid addition to this organization, I’ve determined that I can use my contacts in a way that helps us attain that efficiency. To wit, I have forwarded the wait list to my associate.

I’d suggest forgetting that these e-mails happened.

Aaron Simon
Problem Solver

From: Chris Flynn
Sent: March 31, 2011 8:50 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: What the Hell?

Dude, why did you send me an Excel spreadsheet? Wait list? What the hell is a wait list?

Why am I getting e-mails from people asking me to stop whatever it is “Aaron told you to do”?

What are you doing down there, man? You need to get out of Tennessee before you lose it.

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: March 31, 2011 9:01 PM
To: Chris Flynn
Subject: RE: What the Hell?

Dude, just go with it. I told them I was hiring a hit man to cut down on people waiting for services in our program.

Best. Prank. Ever!

Dunno how they got your e-mail addy though. Guess they’ve figured out how to actually see what I’m doing on the work computer.

Once again, just roll with it.

From: Chris Flynn
Sent: March 31, 2011 9:10 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: What the Hell?

What? No. That’s insane. How are you not fired?

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: March 31, 2011 9:15 PM
To: Chris Flynn
Subject: RE: RE: What the Hell?

Jewish, man! They can’t touch me!

AAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

From: James Gottfried
Sent: April, 1, 2011 8:13 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Your Latest Work
Attachment: notice_of_termination.doc

Aaron,

I suggest sending out an e-mail to Aging, with me copied, alerting them to your April Fool’s joke before 9:00 AM. If you do not, I’ll sign that attachment up there, forward it to Ted, and we’ll start procedure to have you fired within the day.

And yes, I am serious about this; Dianne, Holly, and Tasha were calling me until midnight last night about how you were a serial killer. I haven’t had any sleep, and the only reason I’m functional now is because I have a coffee maker in my office.

I look forward to seeing your e-mail shortly.

James Gottfried
Executive Director

From: Aaron Simon
Sent: April, 1, 2011 8:17 AM
To: _AGING
Cc: James Gottfried
Subject: April Fool’s!

April Fool’s Day! I got you all so good!

The best AF jokes are the ones the day before!

Aaron Simon
Hopefully Still Employed

From: James Gottfried
Sent: April, 1, 2011 8:30 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: April Fool’s!

Good.

James Gottfried
Executive Director: Rachel Dillard