Archive
Cubanos and Orange Juice
From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:23 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Tasha Gordon
Aaron,
Tasha just came to my office to alert me that you may or may not be carrying thirty pounds of marijuana on your body in order to take part in a massive drug deal with Cubans. Would you like to come to my office to discuss this?
Best,
Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:40 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: Tasha Gordon
Yo,
Nah, that’s cool. There’s nothing to discuss. She asked me why I was wearing a shirt and slacks. I didn’t feel like reiterating that I was going to a concert tonight, so I told her that I was selling Cubans some drugs, which, of course, would contradict the policy manual.
It’s probably for the best to ignore anything she has to say about me. I also didn’t say that her son is proof positive that, while there most certainly is a God, that God is more akin to Loki the Norse god of trickery than whatever childish nonsense she has to believe about Christianity.
Best,
Aaron Simon
Enrollment Coordination Specialist
P.S. You want some? I can hook you up, blood. Good price, good shit. Home-grown, if you know what I mean.
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:41 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: narc
T:
Don’t narc on me again. I know people.
Remember: Snitches get stitches.
-A
From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:03 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon
Aaron,
Tasha just came by my office in tears about what you may or may not have said about her son. I’m not sure what there is between the two of you, but you need to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing.
Please come by my office so we can review the policy manual regarding illicit activities and the overall idea of constructing a harmonious office environment.
Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:05 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon
Gosh, Ted, you know, I would, but I am absolutely swamped here. Files gotta be processed, and I’m the only one who knows how to do it up right, you know?
As far as having, ah, workplace conflicts with some of my coworkers: Well, I wouldn’t say that all of the fault lays on my end. You know, she looks pretty Aryan. Not trying to say anything–you know?–but, well, there’s kind of a historical conflict between people of that sort of appearance and my people. By which I mean the minority ethnicity of the Jews. I think you understand where I’m coming from. Hard to come into the office some days, you know?
As far as “illicit activities” goes, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I was discussing selling you some orange juice.
Aaron Simon
Graphic Designer, Wordsmith, Enrollment Dude
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:06 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: narc again
I thought I said don’t narc.
Horse head.
That is all.
From: Tasha Gordon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:10 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: narc again
you crazy psycho if you say one more thing i will have you fired dont talk to me again my husband will kick your ass
also STOP LEAVING THAT STUPID EYE PICTURE ON MY DESK!!!!!
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:10 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: The All-Seeing Eye
is not to be trifled with. It watches you.
From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:23 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon
Aaron,
Is this actual, human busy, or is this your kind of busy where you’re spinning in your chair or looking at those websites about Star Wars? Which reminds me: As per Section 5.12 of the policy manual, use of organizational computers is restricted to business matters. Any further infractions will lead to an Internet block on your account.
Accusations of discrimination must be brought up through the proper channels and not through thinly-veiled e-mails. What you’re saying is very serious, and I urge you to consider whether or not you’d like to go on record as stating that one of your coworkers is an anti-Semite.
I’m not stupid. I know what you were talking about, and it wasn’t orange juice. Please do not insult my intelligence and please remember who is superior to who in this office.
Ted Hayward
Director, Human Reources
P.S. In order to ensure that business communication is uniform and professional, I ask that you keep your signature to your official job title. “Loki Impersonator” is not your title. If you are doing graphic design work, then I ask that you use your own equipment for it, and not the organization’s.
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:10 PM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon
Shalom
No dude, for serious. Got files stacked up to the ceiling up in here. It’s crazy; I feel bad taking my hourly half an hour break. As for the computers: It’s not a big deal. I’ve got an IP masker running while downloading my torrents on this machine.
T and I got the misunderstanding settled. She’s to wear a Nazi flag whenever she’s in the office, and I won’t go around telling people she hates Jews and Muslims. Everybody wins. She’s wearing it now, if you want to head over and see. Ignore the crying, she’s not used to being referred to as “Himmler” yet.
And as for your status talk:
-Aaron
Enrollment Dude, DHS Bitch, Loki Impersonator
From: Wes Graves
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:40 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: orange juice
Ted wants me to block your internet access.
You hook me up with some “orange juice” and I’ll see that your connection goes faster and route your IP address to his computer.
Wes Graves
IT Manager
SystemTec Business Solutions
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:42 PM
To: Wes Graves
Subject: RE: orange juice
Word.
Call 615.555.9685 and ask for Roddy. Tell him I sent you. Best damn OJ you’ll get, dude.
-AS
Wordsmith
From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 14, 2011 12:10 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Internet
You wouldn’t know anything about a call from the FBI regarding the illegal downloads of several adult film titles on my computer, would you?
Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 14, 2011 12:25 PM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: Internet
Dude, save that stuff for home.
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:23 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Tasha Gordon
Aaron,
Tasha just came to my office to alert me that you may or may not be carrying thirty pounds of marijuana on your body in order to take part in a massive drug deal with Cubans. Would you like to come to my office to discuss this?
Best,
Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:40 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: Tasha Gordon
Yo,
Nah, that’s cool. There’s nothing to discuss. She asked me why I was wearing a shirt and slacks. I didn’t feel like reiterating that I was going to a concert tonight, so I told her that I was selling Cubans some drugs, which, of course, would contradict the policy manual.
It’s probably for the best to ignore anything she has to say to me. I also didn’t say that her son is proof positive that, while there most certainly is a God, that God is more akin to Loki the Norse god of trickery than whatever childish nonsense she has to believe about Christianity.
Best,
Aaron Simon
Enrollment Coordination Specialist
P.S. You want some? I can hook you up, blood. Good price, good shit. Home-grown, if you know what I mean.
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:41 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: narc
T:
Don’t narc on me again. I know people.
Remember: Snitches get stitches.
-A
From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:03 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon
Aaron,
Tasha just came by my office in tears about what you may or may not have said about her son. I’m not sure what there is between the two of you, but you need to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing.
Please come by my office so we can review the policy manual regarding illicit activities and the overall idea of constructing a harmonious office environment.
Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:05 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon
Gosh, Ted, you know, I would, but I am absolutely swamped here. Files gotta be processed, and I’m the only one who knows how to do it up right, you know?
As far as having, ah, workplace conflicts with some of my coworkers: Well, I wouldn’t say that all of the fault lays on my end. You know, she looks pretty Aryan. Not trying to say anything–you know?–but, well, there’s kind of a historical conflict between people of that sort of appearance and my people. By which I mean the minority ethnicity of the Jews. I think you understand where I’m coming from. Hard to come into the office some days, you know?
As far as “illicit activities” goes, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I was discussing selling you some orange juice.
Aaron Simon
Graphic Designer, Wordsmith, Enrollment Dude
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:06 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: narc again
I thought I said don’t narc.
Horse head.
That is all.
From: Tasha Gordon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:10 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: narc again
you crazy psycho if you say one more thing i will have you fired dont talk to me again my husband will kick your ass
also STOP LEAVING THAT STUPID EYE PICTURE ON MY DESK!!!!!
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:10 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: The All-Seeing Eye
is not to be trifled with. It watches you.
From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:23 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon
Aaron,
Is this actual, human busy, or is this your kind of busy where you’re spinning in your chair or looking at those websites about Star Wars? Which reminds me: As per Section 5.12 of the policy manual, use of organizational computers is restricted to business matters. Any further infractions will lead to an Internet block on your account.
Accusations of discrimination must be brought up through the proper channels and not through thinly-veiled e-mails. What you’re saying is very serious, and I urge you to consider whether or not you’d like to go on record as stating that one of your coworkers is an anti-Semite.
I’m not stupid. I know what you were talking about, and it wasn’t orange juice. Please do not insult my intelligence and please remember who is superior to who in this office.
Ted Hayward
Director, Human Reources
P.S. In order to ensure that business communication is uniform and professional, I ask that you keep your signature to your official job title. “Loki Impersonator” is not your title. If you are doing graphic design work, then I ask that you use your own equipment for it, and not the organization’s.
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:10 PM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon
Shalom
No dude, for serious. Got files stacked up to the ceiling up in here. It’s crazy; I feel bad taking my hourly half an hour break. As for the computers: It’s not a big deal. I’ve got an IP masker running while downloading my torrents on this machine.
T and I got the misunderstanding settled. She’s to wear a Nazi flag whenever she’s in the office, and I won’t go around telling people she hates Jews and Muslims. Everybody wins. She’s wearing it now, if you want to head over and see. Ignore the crying, she’s not used to being referred to as “Himmler” yet.
And as for your status talk:
http://pandora.cii.wwu.edu/vajda/russ110/images/slides/V2_011_1.jpg
-Aaron
Enrollment Dude, DHS Bitch, Loki Impersonator
From: Wes Graves
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:40 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: orange juice
Ted wants me to block your internet access.
You hook me up with some “orange juice” and I’ll see that your connection goes faster and route your IP address to his computer.
Wes Graves
IT Manager
SystemTec Business Solutions
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:42 PM
To: Wes Graves
Subject: RE: orange juice
Word.
Call 615.555.9685 and ask for Roddy. Tell him I sent you. Best damn OJ you’ll get, dude.
-AS
Wordsmith
From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 14, 2011 12:10 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Internet
You wouldn’t know anything about a call from the FBI regarding the illegal downloads of several adult film titles on my computer, would you?
Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 14, 2011 12:25 PM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: Internet
Dude, save that stuff for home.From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:23 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Tasha Gordon
Aaron,
Tasha just came to my office to alert me that you may or may not be carrying thirty pounds of marijuana on your body in order to take part in a massive drug deal with Cubans. Would you like to come to my office to discuss this?
Best,
Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:40 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: Tasha Gordon
Yo,
Nah, that’s cool. There’s nothing to discuss. She asked me why I was wearing a shirt and slacks. I didn’t feel like reiterating that I was going to a concert tonight, so I told her that I was selling Cubans some drugs, which, of course, would contradict the policy manual.
It’s probably for the best to ignore anything she has to say to me. I also didn’t say that her son is proof positive that, while there most certainly is a God, that God is more akin to Loki the Norse god of trickery than whatever childish nonsense she has to believe about Christianity.
Best,
Aaron Simon
Enrollment Coordination Specialist
P.S. You want some? I can hook you up, blood. Good price, good shit. Home-grown, if you know what I mean.
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 10:41 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: narc
T:
Don’t narc on me again. I know people.
Remember: Snitches get stitches.
-A
From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:03 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon
Aaron,
Tasha just came by my office in tears about what you may or may not have said about her son. I’m not sure what there is between the two of you, but you need to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing.
Please come by my office so we can review the policy manual regarding illicit activities and the overall idea of constructing a harmonious office environment.
Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:05 AM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon
Gosh, Ted, you know, I would, but I am absolutely swamped here. Files gotta be processed, and I’m the only one who knows how to do it up right, you know?
As far as having, ah, workplace conflicts with some of my coworkers: Well, I wouldn’t say that all of the fault lays on my end. You know, she looks pretty Aryan. Not trying to say anything–you know?–but, well, there’s kind of a historical conflict between people of that sort of appearance and my people. By which I mean the minority ethnicity of the Jews. I think you understand where I’m coming from. Hard to come into the office some days, you know?
As far as “illicit activities” goes, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I was discussing selling you some orange juice.
Aaron Simon
Graphic Designer, Wordsmith, Enrollment Dude
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:06 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: narc again
I thought I said don’t narc.
Horse head.
That is all.
From: Tasha Gordon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:10 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: narc again
you crazy psycho if you say one more thing i will have you fired dont talk to me again my husband will kick your ass
also STOP LEAVING THAT STUPID EYE PICTURE ON MY DESK!!!!!
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:10 AM
To: Tasha Gordon
Subject: The All-Seeing Eye
is not to be trifled with. It watches you.
From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 11:23 AM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon
Aaron,
Is this actual, human busy, or is this your kind of busy where you’re spinning in your chair or looking at those websites about Star Wars? Which reminds me: As per Section 5.12 of the policy manual, use of organizational computers is restricted to business matters. Any further infractions will lead to an Internet block on your account.
Accusations of discrimination must be brought up through the proper channels and not through thinly-veiled e-mails. What you’re saying is very serious, and I urge you to consider whether or not you’d like to go on record as stating that one of your coworkers is an anti-Semite.
I’m not stupid. I know what you were talking about, and it wasn’t orange juice. Please do not insult my intelligence and please remember who is superior to who in this office.
Ted Hayward
Director, Human Reources
P.S. In order to ensure that business communication is uniform and professional, I ask that you keep your signature to your official job title. “Loki Impersonator” is not your title. If you are doing graphic design work, then I ask that you use your own equipment for it, and not the organization’s.
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:10 PM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tasha Gordon
Shalom
No dude, for serious. Got files stacked up to the ceiling up in here. It’s crazy; I feel bad taking my hourly half an hour break. As for the computers: It’s not a big deal. I’ve got an IP masker running while downloading my torrents on this machine.
T and I got the misunderstanding settled. She’s to wear a Nazi flag whenever she’s in the office, and I won’t go around telling people she hates Jews and Muslims. Everybody wins. She’s wearing it now, if you want to head over and see. Ignore the crying, she’s not used to being referred to as “Himmler” yet.
And as for your status talk:
http://pandora.cii.wwu.edu/vajda/russ110/images/slides/V2_011_1.jpg
-Aaron
Enrollment Dude, DHS Bitch, Loki Impersonator
From: Wes Graves
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:40 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: orange juice
Ted wants me to block your internet access.
You hook me up with some “orange juice” and I’ll see that your connection goes faster and route your IP address to his computer.
Wes Graves
IT Manager
SystemTec Business Solutions
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 12:42 PM
To: Wes Graves
Subject: RE: orange juice
Word.
Call 615.555.9685 and ask for Roddy. Tell him I sent you. Best damn OJ you’ll get, dude.
-AS
Wordsmith
From: Ted Hayward
Sent: Monday, March 14, 2011 12:10 PM
To: Aaron Simon
Subject: Internet
You wouldn’t know anything about a call from the FBI regarding the illegal downloads of several adult film titles on my computer, would you?
Ted Hayward
Director, Human Resources
From: Aaron Simon
Sent: Monday, March 14, 2011 12:25 PM
To: Ted Hayward
Subject: RE: Internet
Dude, save that stuff for home.
The Autobiography of a Street Urchin
My feets is wooden this is me last month before the constabul kicked me out of the parks
Hullo my name is Tim Timiny Cherrio Idiot and i was born nder blackfriers bridge in london seven years ago. My mum was the queen of the bridge and she had people who worked for her but then those people was beaten by the constabuls and so they ran off and me mum said ‘bloody hell’ and thats when they taked her to a place where the people scream all the time. The man with the hair what goes ‘fwump’ when you throw plush balls at it they call him a judge he told me that i was in kustodee for my own safety and i didnt have any thing to say on account of my voice not being working yet because i was a wee little child.
And so the constabuls was supposed to bring me to a family which lived in the countryside in that town they call Pighurst-on-Timz but the constabuls attacked each other because they got hungry in the car on the way over and one of them the fat one took the skinny ones chips that they took from the brown man they called a Packee. The skinny one said ‘you sodding fat bastard’ and beat the fat one up and then the skinny one took me to his house and said ‘get to work now and dont you tell no one about what you saw.’ i didnt do much work though on account of i was a wee little child.
years later i could do work and that s how i learned that moonshine the drink not the moon’s shine blows up if you throw it on a lighted match. thats also how i lost me legs and feet but the dokters at teh NHS fixed me by giving me wooden feet and legs. And thats why my feets and legs is wooden.
Published Story!
A golem being chiseled
Quick note here:
A month or so ago, I wrote a story (imaginatively called “Adam’s Story”) about a golem. Adam, the golem, talks about how difficult his life is. In addition, we’re treated to a few scenes from a support group for supernatural beings, including a Sasquatch, a banshee, and a gorgon. Essentially, it reads like a stand-up bit from Woody Allen.
It’s going to appear in Groanology 2. More details when the Table of Contents for the anthology is released.
Image source
Dada
DIE KUNST IST TOT! DADA UBER ALLES!
So.
When I was going through my undergrad at UTK, I kept running across Romantic poetry. At the time, I couldn’t stand the stuff. It was dull, it lacked life, joy, a certain music that played in the background against the words. I can’t quite pin it down, but there was definitely something in there that I just couldn’t jive to. Every line would end and I’d feel my eyes unfocus. I’d start people watching without realizing I was doing it. At the end of the poem, I’d realize that I hadn’t read anything, and I’d have to go and do the whole damn thing again.
And then, I discovered Dadaism. The absolute maddest thing on the face of the planet. Everything about it made me want to jump up and shout, “Yes!” like a character from a Jack Kerouac book. Of course, as tends to happen, we only read a couple of them and then went on to Samuel Beckett. (Which, for the record, I also got a rise out of.) But, in my opinion, there’s no real comparison. I wrote a flash fiction (micro-fiction?) piece about it. It’s untitled, but I’d have to call it “Dada” if nothing else.
For more information about the best thing ever, check out the manifesto or, perhaps, another manifesto, this time on Surrealism.
The Under-Earth
The Mole People
This story is the result of working at The Fresh Market alongside a bunch of absolutely mental people. Back in the prep room, the common topic was bullshit.
And most of the bs we talked about was why, oh God why, the prices at Fresh Market were so high. The only explanation we could come up with was that it was a result of a H.G. Wells-like tale of adventure.
I.
Rebecca Hannigan was used to the uber-inflated prices at the grocer’s down the street, but this was a bit overboard. It’s not that she didn’t like salmon–she did. It was just that $7,000 an ounce seemed a bit pricey. It’s not like she couldn’t afford it–with over a hundred million dollars in net worth, she could–it was just that this price confused her. She called over a seafood clerk, a girl who looked like she was ready to graduate from high school. “Excuse me,” said Rebecca, “can I speak to your manager?”
“Of course, ma’am,” said the girl.
Rebecca waited for the manager. The item marked “Under-Earth Salmon ~ $7,000/oz.” was sealed off from the rest of the seafood in its own glass compartment. It had a vaguely cream-like color.
“Can I help you, ma’am?” asked the manager, a woman about forty dressed in a tan almost-pantsuit.
“Yes. What is Under-Earth Salmon and why is it $7,000 an ounce?”
“Ah. Yes. Well, Under-Earth Salmon is exclusive to us, you see. Imagine, if you will, the best salmon you’ve ever had. This is guaranteed to be four times better. You see, the taste comes from inbreeding: only the second and fifth generation salmon will taste this way. Any other generation is toxic.
“We keep them in the pond out back. It’s sealed off from the rest of the seafood like this because with Under-Earth Salmon, there’s always a chance that the aroma of the salmon will drift from the meat to other meats and spoil them with amazing taste.”
This last sentence made absolutely no sense to Rebecca, and as such, she blinked. “But why is it $7,000 an ounce?”
“Ah. Yes. Well, let me tell you. Please, come in the break room, it’s a long story.”
The Piranha Plant
The object growing in Holst-Dulverton's back garden
So, one of my friends and I–Chris Flynn–created a couple of caricatures one day. The caricatures are two utterly mad English aristocrats completely caught up in their station in life and, by all accounts, living in the 19th century–they just happen to find themselves in the 21st. This is the first letter I’ve written in character, and am waiting for the response to jot down the second. I’ve recorded it (it’s 13 minutes), and will, if I remember, put a link to it alongside this.
Frederick Smythe-Tensington Rexley, B.A., Ph.D, M.D., J.D.
The Hedgerow
Yaxley-upon-Stour
Yaxleyshire
YX2 8IS
4 August, 2010
Dear Mr Rexley, B.A., Ph.D, M.D., J.D.,
In answer to your query posed the First of July: No, I am reticent to admit that I have not followed the current cricket contest between England (God save the Queen) and Pakistan. I find sport abhorrent in its very nature and something to be enjoyed by only the common folk in our country. As you are well aware, in my youth, I would make my way down Oxford Street upon my horse, Mercury, and trod upon those who I deemed common—so it is, of course, unlikely that I would have anything to do with those vagabonds. (Before you waste precious ink distilled from the fat of whales—as I know this is the only sort of ink you use—allow me to state two things: Firstly, I was never charged with a crime, for, as you know, I am related to every MP of note in the Southeast, Southwest, Midlands, and Greater London area. Secondly, no, I do not judge you for enjoying sport, I simply state my only preference.
In regards to your question about whether or not the recent election was favourable to those of us in, shall I say, higher positions, I need only turn your attention to the recent decrees put forward by the Prime Minister. I say, “eat shit,” as our American brethren would say, you dirty council house-dwelling proletariat. And I do not feel I must make a point upon the imminent dissolution of the Film Board—that amoral institution responsible for besmirching the name of Film. There are, of course, those rogues, the Liberal-Democrats working in supposed co-operation with the Conservatives, but I sincerely doubt they are making their presence known beyond flailing around Parliament, shouting and crying like some puppy squashed in the road. Rather amusing, I must say. Of course, we here in Fizzleshire are an admittedly removed lot—those whose income totals less than £300,000 per annum are removed to Kent. (I had briefly considered embarking upon a diatribe on the subject on that miserable excuse of a county, that stain upon England [God save the Queen!] but I am quite certain even you are beyond the point of hearing anything new I have to say on the subject.)
The Art Syllabus
If you’ve been in university in the United States, or know anyone who has been, then you’re probably aware of some of the absurd requirements presented on course syllabi. This goes double if anyone you know was in an art class.
The Setbacks Comic Creative Team, five years after the fact and arranged by height.
For example, Brad Whitaker, one of my best friends and, a long time ago, my co-conspirator on a comic we called Setbacks (don’t look for it, it’s been swallowed by the Internet), spent a long time in art classes at MTSU. Whenever I complained about having to read, I don’t know, some obscure American author from the 19th century, he would retaliate by showing me the required items for his classes. And, of course, I drank too much coffee and created a (slightly) exaggerated version of an arts class syllabus.
I didn’t expect it to appear accurate in any way, but, according to Brad–the guy in the middle in the picture to the right–it’s not too far off. And no, I’m not certain why all of the villains in my stuff happen to have German names.
